My Personal New Year Celebration Part #3: TAT TAT TATTED UP!!!!

The actual day of my birthday was Saturday, September 24^th. It had all the trappings of being a great day. Eazy E was there. Version 4 was there. There was even a cameo appearance by the Grand Patriarch of New Jersey (Roy Dean Johnson, Jr.)!

However, since we didn’t go to sleep until 4am that morning the birthday didn’t really happen until afternoon-ish lol. But when I woke up…I had APPLE JACKS FOR BREAKFAST! this was my response when i woke up to see the box in Eazy E's kitchen...

GIFSoup

That may not excite you, but if anyone knows me they know that eating cereal was one of my body’s involuntary functions. The 3 B's: Breathing, Blinking, and Boxes of Cereal. When I lost a good deal of weight (the first time), I gave up eating cereal so much. Because it was my born day I was allowed to eat whatever I wanted. And even though Apple Jacks have the tendency to tear inside of your mouth to shreds it was worth every bite! (just go ahead and crush a bowl of Apple Jacks, and then gargle with mouthwash. Those little red dots are like gravel!)

Now, while the Apple Jacks were exciting, the real point of the day was to do something that had been on my mind for a while. Didn’t really talk about it too much with people. I honestly didn’t quite understand why I wanted to do it myself. But I decided that it would be something I would do on my birthday.

I decided to get a tattoo.

Eazy E, Version 4, and myself went to U Street in DC. It was a cool place. The dude that did it was a Superman fan, and he put on Superman: The Animated Series for me to watch while he did it.

We had a great conversation. He asked me what the symbols I was getting meant. I explained that I was divinity school student, and I really like the scripture in 1 Corinthians 13 were it says that the greatest of the virtues is love.  Plus, I like Asian culture so I decided to get them in Chinese Characters.

“Oh, I guess you wouldn’t like me,” he said. “I’m an atheist.” He went on to explain why he was an atheist. He didn’t think it was fair for people to use a relationship with God to elevate themselves over other people. Also, in his view, people prayed hoping to control the random outcomes in their lives.

I smiled. “I agree with you,” I said. “If that’s what being a Christian is to you, then I’m not a Christian at all. But I am someone that is doing their best to learn how Jesus lived and follow those lessons.”

We talked about history and religion, all while he was doing the tattoo. I told him how I was discovering that Jesus, God, and all that other stuff is so much more real underneath all the junk we bury it under, and that you don’t have to subscribe to the mess to have a relationship with God.

“Ultimately, I believe in a higher power,” the tattoo artist said. "I really think that the Jesus story is the greatest story ever told. If only people could live like that."

Perhaps I just witnessed a first step towards someone’s relationship with God, all in a place where some folks would decry as unclean. How ironic. 

But, back to the tat. People said that tattoos don’t hurt. THEY DO. Mind you, I’m a little sensitive so that’s why it probably bothered me. I felt all 100,000 pricks individually. Winced a bunch of times. But the dentist’s office hurts MUCH worse. It’s just that with getting a tattoo the annoying, dull pain lasts for like an hour. Now, throw all of this out of the window if you get a tat in a bony area. Bring tissue, because you’ll cry a lot.

The tat was done in about 45 minutes. The artist and me shook hands. I promised him that I would come back and let him read my first comic book, and that I would come back to him when I got another one (yep, I already have plans).

If anything, I was glad that I took a step to do something that I wanted to do, regardless of the negative opinions of myself and others. I wanted this, so I did it. And I think it says something about me. I like.

Faith, Hope, and Love. Love is the greatest.  Thanks to Will for the Chinese Character Spell-Check.

My Personal New Year Celebration part 2: Tennis Time at the Verizon Center and Thoughts on Excellence

Part 2 of my new year celebration kicked off the Friday before my birthday. I had tickets to see Pete Sampras, Michael Chang, Jim Courier, and Andre Agassi play at the Verizon Center in Washington, DC. I almost didn’t get tickets for this, but I decided that I wanted to do something nice for my birthday on my own.

 

Pete Sampras is my favorite tennis player. The chance to sit 400 feet away from him and watch him hit tennis balls was an honor. Honestly, I had to stop my heart from jumping out of my chest. I was so upset because the camera on my phone wasn't working! I couldn't take pictures of anyone! That made me want to do this:

http://www.gifsoup.com/view/2800960/throw-phone-outta-the-window.html

( actually if I had that phone I would probably throw it out of a window too. Or use it to start my cell phone museum 0___0 )

The pros played one-set semifinals, with the final being an 8-game pro set. The first match was between Pete Sampras and Michael Chang. What struck me is now normal they seemed. For a while, watching the match was like watching a match on the club courts. Granted, they weren’t playing badly, and the feel of these exhibitions is friendlier than the finals of Wimbledon.  I just expected something more.

As I thought about it some more, I wondered if my perception of the match had something to do with my idea of excellence. They weren’t’ doing anything amazing, but their basics were INCREDIBLE. Perhaps excellence isn’t really about being amazing, but having sound foundations. Perhaps excellence is more work- and commitment- and mindset- based than talent-based. To bring it to basketball terms, what would you rather have in a clinch: a monster dunk over a Honda Civic or a reliable lay-up?

Back to the actual match. This first match between Sampras and Chang was interesting because there were a few wrinkles in it. Any one that knows these two players’ games would know what to expect from them. Sampras would use his big serve and get to the net. Chang would be speedy and retrieve a bunch of balls. While Sampras’ game didn’t change that much, it was Chang that surprised the crowd with hitting more aces than Sampras. He also hit more winners. At one point Chang won a game with three aces and a service winner, which made the crowd gasp in amazement. This crowd was a tennis crowd, and they knew that wasn’t typical Chang.

Chang changed his game. He’s a retired pro, he’s not on the circuit anymore. He’s around the 40-year-old mark.

But yet, he was able to make a change. He still has his speed and consistency, but he was able to add just enough of something different to advance himself.

Encouraging, isn’t it? I guess that means we can do that in our own lives. We don’t have to become drastically different people, but we can expand our horizons enough to enhance our virtues and strengths.

Perhaps our ability to expand our horizons is related to our ability to maintain a vertical perspective.

Anyways, I stayed of most of the match. Sampras ended up losing, and Agassi lost as well (though Courier and Agassi’s match was more entertaining). I left a little early to avoid the gridlock coming out of the garage, and then I was on my way to Eazy E’s (aka Eric Borden’s) spot!

The night was capped off with an IHOP run (I had the most fattening thing possible), a late night appearance by Version 4 and Grand Patriarch (aka Roy Dean Johnson), and me going to sleep at 4am. That day was a good day **Ice Cube voice**

Next: Tat-Tat-Tatted Up!!!!

My Personal New Year Celebration Part #1: Sight Beyond Sight

This past September 24^th was my birthday. I originally wanted to have a big shebang and have a bunch of people out to eat. However, I opted for a smaller series of fun events with people that I love.

The weekend started early when I got my Thundercats Sword of Omens in the mail.

Okay, that sentence might have thrown you a bit. I am 28 years old, and in my possession is a children’s toy that I routinely swing around with the biggest smile on my face. And I. DON’T. CARE.

You should’ve seen my face when the UPS man came to the door. This was my reaction…

I immediately opened the box and began to play with it. See, I’ve wanted a Sword of Omens since I was four years old. That’s 24 years. TWENTY FOUR LONG YEARS. But why should this matter to me now, two and a half decades later?

First, one of the memories that I have with my Dad is cartoons. He introduced me to Thundercats, Silverhawks, He-Man, etc. We watched them together. We bonded over them. Those are some of my best memories with him.

Like most kids, you want the toys from your favorite cartoons. And I wanted this sword bad. My dad looked high and low for it, but he couldn’t find it anywhere. I think that hurt him more than it hurt me.

In looking at my childhood, there were a lot of things that I was looking for that I didn’t find, either. And I guess somewhere along the journey of life I’ve given up on them. There were also a lot of things that were taken from me. My experiences recently have shown that to me. Perhaps me taking the initiative to get the Sword at this point is symbolic of me reclaiming those things that were taken from me and reaching out to claim the things that I really want from life.

Y'know, one of the cool things about the Sword in the cartoon is that Lion-O could use this technique called "Sight Beyond Sight." He could use it to see what was really in his environment, beyond what is obvious. This piece of plastic can't do that...but I believe that ultimately I can, and I must. It's the only way to heal and move beyond.

Whether that's true or not, I still had a blast playing with my new toy. It was a great start to my personal new year celebration.

Next: Tennis at the Verizon Center

Training Quotes That Inspire

often while doing taekwondo, random one-liners and quotes are said. while thinking about them the other day, i realized that they might help someone. following are a few of these quotables. i won't explain them. if they are for you, they'll leap off the page.

"if anything, don't back down. at the end of the day what might count the most in a sparring match is that you stood your ground and tried."

"single kicks don't score. combinations do. each move sets up the next."

"whatever happens, move forward. you are the safest when you are moving forward."

"go through your target. don't stop short. displace it."

"whoever can remain calm and execute while under the most pressure will be the winner."

The Morning Devotional Poster

The morning devotional poster.

we like the morning devotional poster. we really, really do. they do their best to make sure our lives are filled with god's word and instruction every morning.

and we do mean EVERY morning. if the best part of waking up is folgers, then the best part of turning on our computer is the encouraging word we'll get from the poster.

a little bit of history first. the morning devotional poster evolved from the morning devotional email forwarder. this was a very good thing, as most of the world didn't like the morning devotional email forwarder. in a rare act of evolution, this type of poster became one of our most beloved. it's like a venus fly trap that evolved into a cute puppy that doesn't pee on the floor.

like clockwork, the morning devotional poster's facebook, twitter, and google buzz will have an inspirational article posted no later than 9:45am (if they are really savvy they'll use hootsuite to do it all at once). this is perfect, because most people that get to the office at 9 don't really start working until 10. conveintent on SO many levels.

you know how else the morning devotional poster helps us out? they save us money! somehow they've managed to subscribe to 12 devotional services, and after reading them all, they only posted the one that would help us all the most. do you know what that means? i don't have to buy any more copies of oswald chambers...EVER! one of the morning devotional posters will certain post his entire body of work in the span of a year. and you'll probably quote the key theme or sentence in the devotional when you update your status, so we REALLY get the point of it! god's word quick, fast, and in a hurry. we love it.

if you have a number of morning devotional posters that you follow, you may even pick your favorite ones to read. there are many variations of the this type of poster. there's the "everything will be okay" poster, "the love and relationship" poster, and the "gut check" poster. the least favorite variation of the morning devo poster is of the "repent now or else" variety. we like them because they help start our morning off right, reminding us of the severity of god, but they are dangerously close to the doomsday poster (we'll be discussing them later).

are you a morning devotional poster? if you are, just know that we love you!

I found a hill...

last time i went to run a mile, i found a hill.

this is where dreams are born and champions are made...

i was very excited by this hill. i knew that this hill would be helpful in training for the upcoming taekwondo season in a few weeks. i decided that i would tackle the hill next early the following week.

today, i did just that. i ran a mile, and then went to the foot of the hill. it was at the foot of this hill that my excitement was exchanged with fear. there were a few reasons for this:

• the hill was bigger than i thought. i'm not crazy about heights.
• i was tired. i was concerned if i could actually do it without falling over.
• i have trouble picking up my feet sometimes, which makes training like this difficult.

nervous, i prepared myself to go. i chanted to myself, "be afraid, do it anyways." i started up the hill. the first few feet wasn't that bad. then the hill became much more steep than i realized earlier. it was as if i was pulling myself up by my big toes. i had to dig in just to pull myself up.

once i reached the top a new challenge appeared to me. i had to peddle down the hill while controlling myself. i also made yet another discovery about the hill: holes. there were places that were sunken in, or even a little muddy. if my foot caught any of those, i certainly would've tripped and rolled 20 feet to the bottom of the hill.

i did this several times. with each time my legs protested more violently. still deep down inside i knew that this was a challenge i had to endure. this hill represented fear. i was honestly scared. it also represented opportunity. one of my favorite tennis players, andre agassi, took to the hills in las vegas when he was training. it helped him win several majors.

i don't believe that dreams are born when we sleep or daydream. that's like saying that a baby is born just because you'd like to be a parent. i believe dreams are born when you make the effort to create what you've visualized in a tangible way.

similarly, champions aren't born. they are made. plenty of people are willing to win. most of them are willing to prepare. this hill represents the willingness to train, hone, perfect. it's a private battle between myself and i. the most intense battle, actually. no matter how hard i hit him he's always there. and he knows just what to say and do to throw me off my game. people usually don't see this battle, but it's the most important one.

any victory that i've had has been because i managed to subdue myself just enough to so that i be everything that i know is possible.

private victories -----> public displays.

what we DON'T want to see from the new Thundercats

thunder! THUNDER! THUNDER! THUNDERCATS...HOOO!!!

okay, now that i've gotten that out of my system, i want to talk about the new thundercats cartoon that just came on. if you were a product of the 80s, you must've heard about this show at some point. y'know, cat-like humans, evil mummy, sword that can do EVERYTHING. oh, and the same battle cry. every show. every FLIPPING show. #butweloveditso

anywhos, the revamped show got a lot of positive feedback. for the most part, it stayed true to the original while adding much needed updates.

with that being said, there are still some things that we just don't want to see. here's my list of them:

1. CHEESE

we honestly don't want to see cheesy storylines. those worked in the 80s. it was a simpler time, a time without terrorist attacks and debt ceiling fiascoes. plus, we were in elementary show so any bright light was entertaining. that won't work now. judging by the first episode, you guys seem to taking a darker approach. that's good! keep up the good work. and we know that you'll have to do something for the younger kids that are watching, just don't make it too unbearable.

what you did with snarf is a good example. you kept him in, but you made him WAY less annoying. i actually like this snarf better. good job. use that mindset when updating and writing future stories.

2. a grown up lion-o

this may be controversial, especially since the lion-o we know and love was an adult when we first met him. however, that was because he aged while in the capsule traveling to earth. and in this version, it makes sense that lion-o isn't grown up (i'd have to give away a major plot point to tell you why, but it does). quite honestly, it's awkward watching a 20 year old act like a 12-year-old in real life. why would we want to do it for entertainment? let lion-o grow up naturally. also, we're sure that this young lion-o filled with angst and tension would be a great draw to the twilight crowd. young almost human person struggling with life and love? i can see the 12-book series being written up already.

3. you don't have to do the "ho" thing every episode

okay, we know this is the part that we all know and love about thundercats. but the truth is that we don't need to see it every single episode. really, we don't. we get it. the sword grows, it calls the thundercats together. they win. show over.

that works for 5-year-olds. not anymore. lets explore what else the sword can do. and don't make the sword a fix-all. make it very powerful, sure. but please make the sword's power levels a little below god. thanks.

and for you folks that may not have been able to see some of the episode, here's a clip. don't worry, it doesn't give too much away.

oh, and just because we don't want to see it every episode, doesn't mean that this isn't cool :-) compare the two versions and see which one you like best.

My Facebook Newsfeed Makes Me Wonder...

at times, my facebook wall brings me joy.

i love seeing all of the things my friends are into. the pictures from their trips. the funny videos from youtube.

other times, facebook annoys me. it especially annoys me when i see how christians use it at times.

i graduated from rutgers university with a degree in journalism, so i'm totally with the whole free speech thing. my thought is, if you don't like what someone is saying, ignore them. we shouldn't be hurtful, but your facebook profile, your twitter timeline, etc., is yours. say what you want, just be willing to deal with the consequences later.

but, like paul wrote centuries ago, just because you can do something doesn't mean it's the best thing to do.

i wonder how helpful statuses calling out sinners and saying that this celebrity is in this secret society and this one worships the devil.

i wonder how helpful it is to criticize and degrade ask other ministries about their ministry practices all over your status? and then write a prayer asking god to help them see the "light" (and of course, the light looks a lot like their own personal opinions and views).

i wonder how helpful it is to fire darts from a facebook status.

i honestly don't think it's helpful at all. it's not about people changing their opinions, it's about demonstrating them in a way that healthy and helpful. at times i think there is a secret verse in the bible that says, "thou shall say my word in the most offensive, obtuse, blunt way that you can think of, so then people won't like you and you can call it persecution!"


i wonder if people will realize that you don't have to do that.

perhaps i should be the change that i want to see.

Dell's Not Getting In List

you ever heard the phrase, "you don't have a heaven or a hell to put me in"?

well, apparently, that's not true. as i scroll up and down my facebook newsfeed or my twitter timeline i see lots of declarations about who is going where. these people are sinners. they need to get it together, that's not the real gospel, etc., etc.

maybe god gave some folks a pass to start throwing people into the fiery furnace before time. i don't know. i didn't get a memo so i'm a little hurt. *stops typing and begins to sob*

anyways, i've decided to join the fun myself. these are the people and things that, if i had my little way, would not get into the pearly gates. i wouldn't throw them into hell. there wouldn't be a hell. i don't like heat, lol. they would just occupy a lower level of heaven.

what you'll also notice is that everyone who wouldn't get all of my version of heaven are people and things that personally annoy me. only the sins that bother me the most would get ultimately cast out...

...someone will catch that tomorrow. let me know when you do!

anyways, in the spirit of fun (kind of), here's my list:


Dell's Not Getting In List

1. whoever decided to put that mesh lining in swim trunks
2. old ladies that write checks at supermarkets
3. heatwaves
4. whoever wrote the last season of Heroes
5. people who are chronically late
6. anyone that has a mohawk and/or neck tattoo that isn't in the rap game
7. stinkbugs
8. MD 295 (anyone from the DMV will understand)
9. Benning Road in Washington, DC
10. Coogi sweaters
11. Fubu tshirts
12. Karl Kani Jeans
(numbers 9 -12 i consider zombies because they are dead clothing styles yet they are still roaming the earth)
13. columbus day

(disclaimer: because i know that someone out there won't get it...i'll just make it plain. I'M KIDDING. this list is a joke.)

there, i think that's it. if you had a personal heaven, what would you put in it? and what would you keep out?

Bible Study Tips: The Verdell Version!

so...this blog was like 12 light years in the making. a good friend of mine asked if i would detail what i use to study the bible. i said, "sure. i'll do one soon."

since i'm so spiritual, meant soon in the whole "jesus is coming in 2,000 years" soon. so i waited, and waited, and waited some more.

bible studying was one of my first joys as a young christian. i always liked to read, and since the bible is god's word, i figured i should know it front to back. as i entered divinity school, some old tools were reinforced and others where learned. allow me to share:

READING COMPREHENSION

a lot of errors in bible study can be avoided by simply reading the bible like you would any other book. i do my best to come to the word clear and free from my own thoughts, ideas, and biases. now, clearly i believe it's the word of god so there's a bias right there. you can't totally avoid bias, but you can be aware that it's present. that way, you can put it aside when necessary.

just read it like a book. put aside the ideas that your pastor, grandmother, etc. have told you. doesn't mean those ideas all are wrong. putting them aside gives you the chance to encounter those ideas for yourself. read like you would for school. too many people read and insert what they were already told about a scripture. or they just read it to confirm what they already think (you can do that for almost anything).

RESOURCES

The best resource i have on how to read the bible is a book called "How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth." it's written by Gordon Fee (a top new testament scholar) and Douglas Stuart (a top old testament scholar). these two gentlemen are top-notch scholars AND devout believers. it's a great jumping on point for someone that wants to learn how to read more precisely.

i've learned a lot from this book. honestly, you can just stop reading my blog and go by the book. seriously. go. NOW. i'll be here when you're finished.



welcome back!

in terms of bibles, my main bible is the New English Translation. i love it because of the extensive translation notes that exist online. however, for studying particular passages of scripture i like to have several versions that i know in advance will read differently. that way i can see what's going on and compare translation choices and wording. that might be a little offputting to someone that doesn't know about bible translation, but don't let the differences bother you. you'll find good explanations in the book i recommended.

my go to bibles are the updated NIV, NET, New American Standard Version, and New Living Translation. i honestly NEVER use KJV or NKJV anymore. too many issues, and frankly, there are better translations now. you don't have to use the NSRV (some people believe that there is a liberal bias). i do for school, but nothing else really. and from what i've read, there's nothing in there that makes a big difference. i strongly urge people not to use it simply because it's difficult to read. especially if reading isn't a hobby of yours, you can find other great translations that are easier to read.

ultimately, the best thing is to be able to read in hebrew and greek. but most people won't be in a position to do that. rest assured that there are a lot of good translations out there.

TIPS AND TRICKS

i pretend like the chapter numbers and verses aren't there. those were a later addition. however, in our minds we can separate important parts of scripture and lose the important parts of context. try it and i'm sure you'll discover new meanings for situations that you didn't notice before.

i love commentaries. however, i NEVER use them until i've read the text thoroughly myself. i read the text first and see what comes out. THEN i look for commentaries. but honestly, be careful which commentaries you use. if all you have is the matthew henry's commentary...please get more. a lot of popular commentaries out there are built off of secondary info...which may not be correct. lean toward the ones composed by bonafide scholars. if you are studying a particular book, get several good commentaries on it.

a text can't mean something that it never meant! content and context are two of the most important things that will help your understanding. granted, some things we will never be able to fully figure out. however, we can get pretty close. especially for the things that matter most. one this is sure...on the most important matters of faith, particularly in the new testament, the authors wanted to be clear.

this can be confusing if you're using to reading a scripture and going, "this is what god told me from it." while i don't negate that at all, it can damage the text and distort its meaning. i believe that when we read the bible in a devotional way, we create an opportunity for god to speak. because god isn't a theologian, i don't think he cares about the stuff that we're discussing (in my opinion, theology, just like science, are our attempts to figure out what god is doing and has done). all he knows is that he has your captive attention, so he'll talk to you in a way and environment that you're comfortable in. let's assume that it's very much god's word to you.

emphasis on: TO YOU.

however, if it never meant that to anyone else, especially the people that received it first, you can't pass off what you heard in your prayer closet as god's infallible word. (keep in mind that god's eternal word emerged in a particular context with a particular group of people with a particular culture. it was written FIRST so they could understand it). YOU go live that word out...but that isn't something we should base our lives around.

well, there you go! i hope this was helpful to someone. if you have any specific questions (not rude comments because i hate those), leave them as a comment. i might make it into another blog post.

Shopping List and Healthy Eating = NO FUN!!!!

i used to like going food shopping. i really don't know why, but i did. perhaps it was a sign that i was independent and fending for myself. those random trips to the grocery store in undergrad made me feel like i was the MAN!

whose got a shopping cart? ME! and whose gonna put whatever the hell he wants in it? THIS GUY!

if i wanted to buy golden grahams and honey buns for breakfast, i could do that. whipped cream as a snack? no problem! it was all okay. i was a newly crowed king, exercising his right to buy whatever he wanted for his pantry.

times changed though. about two years ago, i decided to make efforts to become a full-fledged adult and make a shopping list. now, while making a shopping list is certainly a large adult task, i'm certain that i could've managed it. the problem was that i tried to make a shopping list of HEALTHY FOOD.

TILT.

STOP.

PAUSE.

this was clearly a task that was beyond my ability. before, my cart will filled with color and life. you know, FUN. now, it was filled with broccoli and brita filters.

i'm happy to report, however, that at this point i actually like broccoli and i absolutely must have water every day. but it wasn't an easy transition at all. my advice to anyone is to either pick one or the other. either decide to make a shopping list, or eat healthy. NOT BOTH AT THE SAME TIME. and especially not if you washed and folded all your clothes during the same week.

Taking Flight

anyone who knows me knows that i have a fascination (read: addiction) to superman. always have. probably always will. i had superman PJ's when i was barely 4 years old and i wore them until the wheels fell off. my parents had to constantly remind me that they were pajamas, not street clothes. the neck was stretched out where i stuffed a towel in the collar. i even jumped down the stairs thinking that i could fly. i didn't hurt myself at all, which only served to confirmed that i might have a chance to be superman after all.

as i got older, i realized that i related to the superman character for a lot of other reasons. his story is a journey of self-discovery. he had to unpack who he was over the years and in the light of the blinding fact that he wasn't like everyone else. it's hard to believe that you're like everyone else when you're the only one that can lift a tractor over your head.

at some point, all of the threads tie together for him. the struggling, the pain, the journey all make sense. he has one of those "a-ha" moments. once he gets that, he realizes his full potential. kind of like in this clip...

i want to make sense of all the stuff that's happened. not that all of the things that happened have a direct reason. some things do, others not so much. but i do think that looking at all of the events will somehow help me figure out who i am. and in turn, who i want to be.

i find it interesting that clark had to speak to his father in order to help him with the answers. his father was from another world. it was his other worldliness that granted him these abilities.

perhaps i need to talk to the One who is responsible for all of this.



it would be an added bonus if i could fly afterward. literally.

Just Go Forward

as i was doing the insanity asylum work out today, i realized something about myself. i don't know why it wasn't blatantly obvious to me before, but knowing myself and how non-observant of myself i can be, i guess it makes sense.

i'm really not that coordinated.

as i pressed to place my feet in the agility ladder, i constantly tripped, stumbled, and lumbered. even when i wasn't already tired it wasn't easy. to be honest, i don't really run well either. i don't run like someone who's been trained. i just move my body in a direction, quickly and with force. i trip over my own feet and they routinely don't go where i'd like them to go. hell, a lot of times i don't even know where they should go.

i reflected on my athletic triumphs. despite my shortcomings, i play tennis pretty well. i've competed in two taekwondo tournaments this year and never placed lower than 3rd in any event i competed in. as any athletic will tell you, footwork is the basis of most sports. so, how do i do it?

that's just it. i just do it.

technique is important. but you can't teach heart. you have to find it. training is EXTREMELY important, but heart is what will get you over the ultimate finish line. the heart to just go forward.

you may not know everything....just go forward.

you may look goofy....just go forward.

you may make a mistake...just go forward.

push yourself forward. once you know what your "forward" is, just go. learn along the way. you'll be surprised how you begin to adjust your steps to reach your destination.

go forward.

Pre-School with Jesus

i was watching a sermon online. as it neared the end, the speaker began to lead a meditation. the sermon topic, "listening to the kids," intrigued me. it was particularly relevant to me during this time in my life. it seemed like there were all sorts of kids screaming at me my mind.

"i want you to imagine that you are sitting at one of those little tables you see in pre-schools."

that was easy enough. my mind recreated the YMCA on main street where i went for daycare. i sat at the table. i was surrounded by all the things that you would normally see in a classroom geared toward little kids. i sat at the table, dressed in an outfit that i probably wore before. i clutched one of those little sippy cups in my hand. i was about 3.

"next, i want you to imagine that jesus is sitting right next to you at this table."

that wasn't hard either. god, jesus, or some form of the almighty never seemed to be too far from me. jesus sat at the table with me. he actually sat in one of the chairs. he looked uncomfortable, but doesn't it seem just like him to position himself close to the one he loves, even if it's uncomfortable for him?

"now, imagine a sack with your name on it. this sack contains all of the stuff that is cluttering your life. when you are ready, go get the bag and pour out the contents on the table. you and jesus will go through it all together."

i went to get the bag and emptied it like the lady said. several blocks came out.

HURT.

FEAR.

ABANDONMENT.

i looked at them on the table. i always knew they were there, but these issues seemed so blatant to me now. i looked at jesus. he stared back at me and gave me a look. then he looked at the bag again. it was a look similar to my mother's. it let me know that there was still more stuff in the bag.

so, i grabbed the bag again and dumped it out.

LUST.

this surely must be it, i thought to myself. now jesus is going to go to work on me because lust is surely going to get his attention.

instead, jesus gave me that look again.

surprised, i reached for the bag one more time.

ACCEPTANCE.

i instantly began to cry. i didn't want to touch that block. i began to sob. all of the pain just came rushing back when i saw that block, sitting on the table.

jesus reached over and picked me up. he placed me on his lap and held me, giving me a kiss on the forehead. "it's okay," he said. "i know, i know. it hurts me too."

i clutched his robe and buried my face in it. i just continued to cry and cry. jesus just continued to hold me and rock me.

"i accept you. i love you. i gave myself for you. you aren't worthless. you're worth everything."

suddenly, i appeared to grow while sitting in jesus' lap. i aged to about 7. memories flooded back. being terrified in school. terrified of my dad. beat up every other day in school. feeling so pointless that i wouldn't hold my head up when i walked down the hall. having my head banged into a metal pipe. that dreaded day with the red stick and the tennis court.

i cried again. but then i felt a sense of peace. i didn't know a lot about god then, but for some reason, i realized that jesus accepted me then as well. why didn't he swoop in and rescue me? i don't know. it didn't seem to matter. or maybe he was there somehow and i couldn't tell. maybe what he's doing is making him be there at this point.

i grew again. this time i was the same age that i am now. with the same clothes that i was wearing.

"everyone doesn't have to accept you, verdell. i accept you. and the most important person that needs to accept you after me is yourself. you have to accept you."

jesus then began to run down the list of people that actually accept me for me, flaws, quirks, and all. "you should be on this list," he said. "don't focus on where the acceptance isn't. connect yourself to where it is."

i felt peace. comfort. security. all in the arms of jesus. now, to find that security in myself.

MY STUFF MOVES!

i'm convinced that all my belongings have the ability to animate themselves. seriously, i do. i really believe that the majority of my possessions can get up and relocate at their own leisure.

now, if i was still 8 years old i wouldn't mind this. i would just collapse with glee at the thought of my batman, my x-men, my power rangers, and my he-man waging battles on their own. also, i didn't help that one of my favorite shows was this:

i swore that if i wore my great uncle joe's hat, the same thing could happen to me. anyways, while the idea of my stuff being alive was cool when i was a young lad, the prospect is no longer cool to me. here's why. see, i'm a bit...ummm....shall i say CLUTTERED. i tend to leave a pile of things wherever i go. no, not like a dog leaving a pile, but a pile of belongings. it's like a "verdell was here" sign.

i try to hedge this cluttered tendency of mine. i clean things and put them in nice, neat piles. i even think of places to put my stuff (i think they call them drawers and bookshelves). however, my stuff finds some way of getting back into the floor!

i don't know how it happens. i think that when i'm asleep, all of my stuff has a meeting. i think the bibles preside over the meeting because, you know, they are the word of god and all. i can just imagine how the meetings go...

english standard version bible: okay, listen! god is calling us to go to the promised land!

dell's socks: promised land? where is that?

TNIV bible: over there. on the floor. all over the place.

dell's tennis racquets: i don't want to go! i like the closet!

KJV bible: you can stayeth in egypt then!

dell's other books: we'll go!

dell's paper: i'll scatter all over the place!

dell's pens: we'll all hide! and the one that doesn't work will be the only one out in the open!

dell's cell phone bill: yes! dell forgets me all the time anyway!

at some point, i'm sure the bibles convince the rest of my belongings to create a diaspora across the living room floor, and the table, and my bedroom. this renders all my efforts pointless. while i've been able to master the art of washing ALL my clothes (read about that here!), i still have not mastered the art of convincing my stuff to stay in one spot. maybe i need some dr. doolittle type skills or something.

whatever the case is, right now my belongings are #winning because they all get to have massive parties til the wee hours of the morning, and i'm #notwinning because i have to clean up all the time.

maybe i when i get my own place i should get a 2 bedroom. one for myself and one for my stuff. then it wouldn't matter.

or i could just stop being so cluttered and put things away.

My Thoughts of Creflo's Defense of Eddie Long

so folks, i tried. i really, really tried.

but creflo dollar forced my hand and now i have to comment!

watch this video and then we'll have a chat...

okay, here's all of my thoughts. i was writing somewhat quickly so it's not my usual blog, but it'll do.

1.) creflo speaking out on a hot button issue? so that really was a unicorn that i saw on the way to the gas station this morning.

2.) in some aspects i agree with him. whatever eddie long did, jesus paid the price. salvation is through grace. no doubting that at all. HOWEVER, the issue isn't eddie long's eternal state, but his earthly actions and their implications. i don't believe that we can use a future state in heaven to sidestep the issue of justice now. if wrong was done, justice should prevail.

3.) so, is admitting that eddie had "a wreck" an acknowledgement of guilt? does he know something that we don't? i think we need to be specific with the type of "wreck" that's being discussed. several young men accused long of sexual coercion when they were kids and he never flat out said, "i didn't do it." this creates a HUGE problem for folks (not enough folks unfortunately). if i was accused of something, particularly something as heinous as taking advantage of children, i'd go out of my way to prove my innocence. that is, of course, if i was innocent.

5.) again about this whole "wreck" thing. yes we all fall short. however, if i get into a car accident because you are a reckless driver, the chances of me getting in the car with you again are slim. it's not about forgiveness. it's about trust. people need to be able to trust clergy if we are to do the real job of spiritual leadership. trust is earned. it's not mandatory. once it's lost it does NOT have to be restored. trust isn't a debt that we owe, it's a privilege that is offered.

6.) ANOTHER thing about this whole "wreck" business: if the children involved were creflo's daughters, i wonder if the tune would be the same? i sincerely HOPE not. "but the dude just had a wreck and molested my daughter!" umm...

7.) this whole situation only fuels public mistrust of the megachurch culture. the pastor that's accused of a crime can get away with a speech where he never explicitly denies the allegations. then his buddy up the road comes to his defense. all the while the folks that have been damaged are forced to be silent that much more, but the overwhelming power of persona won't allow them to seek healing and justice for themselves.

8.) to whoever edited this video, your captions actually take away from what he's saying. you should let the hearers draw their own conclusions, instead of being blasted by your own interpretations. this situation touches on MANY, MANY issues that we eventually need to sort of with church culture. to diminish it to just a few isn't fair.

those are my thoughts.

A Full-Circle View of Tithing

i'm sure you've heard it at some point. 

"it's offering time in the house of the lord!" 

"who's excited to give!" *cue audience applause*

*cue fred hammond "lord of the harvest"* (you'll have to dig in the dirt to get it, because that song has been RUN INTO THE GROUND)

i'm sure that the famous (or infamous) scripture from malachi has been read or discussed in your hearing as well. you know, malachi 3:8-11 which basically says....

"you steal from me (god) when you don't give your tithes! if you tithe i'll bless you tremendously! if you don't, i'll curse you and all your stuff!" and this is quoted from the IPVV (Intergalactic Planetary Verdell Version).

lots of people believe this. but there are lots of people that don't believe this. i personally don't believe that we can use this verse to discuss the cycle and motivation for giving today. here's why:

-this was an old testament law, which we are no longer under. tithing was a part of a much larger system, most of which we disregard and/or don't even know.

-tithing is only mentioned in matthew, luke, and hebrews. in matthew and luke, the discussion is about how the pharisees ignore the weightier matters of the law, such as love and justice, but are unrelenting in their outward demonstration of smaller issues. in both instances jesus says not to ignore the weightier mattes of the law, while still keeping all of the law (matt 23: 23, luke 11:42) . however, this was during the time when there was no new covenant. jesus had not died yet, there was no new law of the spirit to follow.

-the instance in hebrews 7 is to demonstrate the superiority of jesus' eternal priesthood over the finite priesthood of the levities. using melchizedek as a type of christ, the writer of hebrews says that levi, technically in the loins of his father abraham, tithed to melchizedek BEFORE there was a law. so the priesthood of jesus, which melchizedek represented, was superior to the preisthood of levi. the point wasn't to command people to tithe, but to show superiority of one system over another.

-even though abraham tithed, giving a tenth to show gratitude wasn't a strange thing. that was a common practice in the ancient near east, to give to show thanks for a military victory or a good harvest.

-acts 15 depicts the jerusalem council, where the controversy over gentiles and the faith was discussed. did gentiles have to follow all of jewish regulations in order to be considered christians? after discussion, this is what they came up with: "It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us not to burden you with anything beyond the following requirements: "You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well to avoid these things.Farewell." (Acts 15: 28-29). tithing is not mentioned.

so, what am i saying? based on this, it may seem like i'm saying to burn up every offering envelop you see. don't give anything! be free!

actually, that's not what i'm saying at all. at times when people discuss their disagreement with the usage of malachi 3, i believe that they don't go full circle with it.  i believe that we cannot use the old testament standards of giving as a requirement, as in, TITHE OR DIE. no, that doesn't apply. however, giving is discussed all throughout the new testament. giving doesn't have a required percentage anymore, but it does need to be abundant and from your heart. we give because love gives. 

i had to think about it for a while. oh, i don't have to give ten percent. if i don't give 10 percent, god won't blow up my house. but...would i WITHHOLD ten percent from god? again, the numbers don't matter, but it caused me to check my heart to see what the real issue was.

for me, 2 corinthians 9 details how i approach giving now. when i look at my poor self, with my barely there salary, my car note, and my debt from college, i realize that it could be much better. i also realize that 90 percent of the world would kill to be in my position. and that 10 percent usually is exchanged for a honey bun, a comic book, chinese food...in short, something pointless. i can use my resources to make a difference in the lives of those around me. in that light, 10 percent doesn't seem bad. it makes me want to up the percentage actually.

so give. give because it's the godly thing to do. give richly, abundantly, and WISELY. you should be saving your money too, but that's a blog for another day.

give because you can. and give A LOT. give to causes, charities, and yes, your local church (ministry DOES cost money).

give because it's good.

give because you're blessed.

don't give because you think god will blow up your house if you don't.

give because your giving could result in someone else coming into god's house.

i love you

about me: once in a while i write poetry. i was feeling all poetry like so i decided to write something.

i love you.

i've said this many times before. with a smile on my face and a glint in my eye.

your eyes returned the favor.

your smile acknowledged that you didn't just agree with what i was saying. you trusted my words.

you know that i love you.

but that isn't enough for me. there's a gap that i wish i could cross in our experience of each other.

i don't want you to know that i love you.



i want you to feel it.



i wish you could step into me just for a second so you could know how intense my love is for you. my love for you is at times bigger than me. larger than the sum of all that comprises me. it's beyond involuntary...it's a reaction to the reality of your existence.

your existence mines the depths of my being, causing pure energy to flow. it is love. it converts want into must and choice into destiny. somehow this love exercises divine power, forcing me to give my all in ways that i never imaged.

but i can't. my wish can't come true.

so for right now the best i can do is look you in the eyes and tell you that i love you.

BOOM! POW! SMASH!

i'm a man of many shades and features. one feature that i'm realizing again about myself is that i'm a bit of a bruiser. yes, me. the somewhat reserved, "quiet," (i laugh every time someone thinks i'm quiet), nice guy. i like to break things. i like to hit things. A LOT.

if i could, i would probably respond to most situations and problems like this:

!!!!!HULK SMASH!!!!!

why sit and talk about it? JUST HIT IT! blow it up, knock it out, hit it 'til it stops moving!

i love the sound that is created when something is struck just right. and i love to see the object that was struck (whether it's a ball, a wall, or a person) hurtling back from the impact.

i think i was always like this. when i was a toddler, my mom said that i used to drop items on different surfaces to see what sound they would make. i liked to run around with shoes that made noise. i preferred to bang on pots over playing with toys. my dad said that i was pretty good at hitting a ball when i was young, too. i guess i had really good hand eye coordination.

i guess that's why my favorite sports are tennis and tae kwon do. they are individual sports (i love the challenge of figuring it out myself) and you have to hit things with an appropriate balance of power and precision. so, why no football you ask? first off, my dad wasn't crazy about me playing. i was a little small for my age and i honestly didn't really begin to fill out until college, so this sudden "big manness" is a little recent. but also, i can't blast a hole through your chest in football. i can tackle and run into folks. boo. that's not better than kicking someone to me.

but there's something about flying and spinning through the air, and then kicking someone or something across the room that just makes my day a great one! or the thrill of throwing a little greenish-yellow ball in the air and hitting it at 100mph toward another person. it's just a bunch of fun to me!

but don't worry. i'm really harmless. :-)

A Defendable Faith

version 4 is doing these video blogs. in the latest one, he talks about a conversation that he and i had a few days ago. it went a little something like this:

me: why are you doing this? (about 60% of our conversations begin with me saying this to him.)

version 4: because.......(insert me holding my breath because he only said "because" and i wanted a real answer)........i like discussing these topics about christianity. (insert sigh of relief because i got a real answer).

me: you know this is going to get you in trouble at some point.

version 4: you know i don't care about getting in trouble. but why do you think i'm going to get in trouble?

me: because of the questions you're asking. most christians either aren't prepared to answer them or are taught to fight against them. the average christian really isn't informed about these topics the way you and i are (context: i'm in my 3rd year of seminary and he's starting his 1st).

version 4 took the phrase "average christian" and went in one direction with his blog. it made me do some reflection. why do christians get in an uproar when someone asks a question about the bible, or why we should trust jesus? why is every question that requests valid information about the faith met with an answer that is either simplistic or filled with disdain? here's an example:

the heathen: why do you believe in the bible?
the saint: because it's god's word.
the heathen: wait, how do we know that it's god's word? what evidence do we have for that?
the saint: because the bible says that it's good for all instruction!

**stop the proverbial bus**

i remember having to learn vocabulary words in 3rd grade. one of the biggest rules was that you don't use the word you are defining in the definition. so, if i'm asked, "what is a dog?" i don't say..."A dog is a dog, because it's a dog." mrs. addleson would've marked that wrong.

well, that's what what plenty of people do with the bible, god, jesus, and other things that pertain to christianity. it really grieves me because those types of answers turn folks away. yes, faith is required. and i'm not saying that christianity needs to be converted to a solely intellectual exercise. i'm also not saying that we should change the faith to be more "palatable" for those who criticize it. however, i'd rather someone say no to christ because they choose not to believe, not because we give a sub par answer.

i believe that certain areas require a different types of knowledge and understanding. some answers may work in some places. just admonishing someone to believe in christ based on your experience may be enough in a hospital room, or a street corner. but in a debate? or a research paper? no. it doesn't mean that the the scholarly enterprise is better. but it does demonstrate that we often don't have experience with others critiquing our arguments.

one of my biggest struggles with american christianity is that we are taught to have an aversion to knowledge. we urge people to go to college and pursue higher education. get all the knowledge you can...but DON'T take any classes on christianity while in school. they'll ruin your faith. meanwhile, we push people through our own pipelines of indoctrination education, which really ends up being a more in depth discussion of what you've been told every sunday morning. in a lot of these institutions, i wouldn't disagree with the endpoints of most of their views, but how they arrive there. it's not critical thought if i bash you once you disagree. that's not intellectual freedom.

by and large we aren't empowered to think critically about our faith, and we are limited in obtaining resources to help facilitate that thought. and we are losing people because of it. we are taught to think scientifically and critically about EVERY other aspect of our lives, but not our faith.

at this point, i can say that a passion of mine is discussing these issues. i sincerely believe that christianity is a rationally defendable faith. i must, because if i didn't, i wouldn't be a christian. i would've abandoned it.

i don't believe the bible just dropped out of the sky
i don't think that christian automatically equals republican
i actually don't think america was created as a strictly "christian" country as we perceive it now
i actually don't think it's cool to mistreat people who's life choices i theologically disagree with, even in the name of "holiness."

in my view, i'm a person that really shouldn't believe. i like facts, data, and rational thoughts. i'm a christian and i find it difficult to even listen to what some of my fellow believers say at times.
but i am a believer in the resurrection of christ. i've had an experience with god, then looked into the evidence, and found the evidence to be consistent with my experience.

my heart and my head are in agreement. but i believe that's what god always wanted.

"Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37


here's a two clips that inspire me. the first one is of ravi zacharias discussing the issues with american christianity.

the second is tom wright giving a message to the next generation: