What are some of your favorite things?
the thought ocurred to me while i was watching a tennis match on youtube. it was an old match that only a tennis fanatic like me would care about. i honestly just enjoy watching the ball go back and forth. it's one of the most beautiful things in the world, i thought to myself.
that last thought made me stop and ponder a little deeper. i'm a 26 year old black male...and one of my greatest past times is watching a little ball go through the air?
YES. that, and a good comic book. a great laugh. an engaging board game. just a few of my favorite things.
through all of the stuff i've encountered in life, i still have this innocence about me. this child-like demeanor. trust, i'm far from sheltered, but the things i like are so simple. i'm not lusting...i'm not chasing...i'm learning to pursue that which genuinely captures my heart. it's still remarkable to me how many of the societal snares i've escaped. the sex, the alcohol, all the other things that left lasting effects on people's lives is not an issue for me. definitely had my issues and struggles, but i'm free in a lot of areas that others are not. honestly i don't want to attribute all that to god, b/c then i have to explain why he let so many other get into those things.
the things i like in life are genuinely because of who i am...not because of what people say i need to be. i'm becoming more and more comfortable with that.
i may not fit the image at times...but i beginning to like what i see more and more. really. i'm a pretty cool guy :-)
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
comfortable in sneakers
"do you realize that if you came to me and said that you were getting married, i would give you holy hell.?
"why?"
"because you are a very young man! you aren't a child...but you have a lot of life ahead of you! you are developing in every way. you're suppose to grow. you're suppose to change."
there's so much potential in my life.
i feel like i'm growing and expanding. at times it's overwhelming, because i don't exactly know what i'm becoming. at others it fills my heart with joy. through it all, i notice a burgeoning sense of confidence in myself. i'm becoming more comfortable with me.
oddly enough, one of the cool ways that i like to express myself is through clothes. especially sneakers. true, all we need is another young african american male obsessed with shoes, but it's really a good thing for me. i'm just learning to express myself in all the various ways that are available to me. learning how to be myself, in Christ. doing what Christ says, and after i've accomplished that...doing me.
"why?"
"because you are a very young man! you aren't a child...but you have a lot of life ahead of you! you are developing in every way. you're suppose to grow. you're suppose to change."
there's so much potential in my life.
i feel like i'm growing and expanding. at times it's overwhelming, because i don't exactly know what i'm becoming. at others it fills my heart with joy. through it all, i notice a burgeoning sense of confidence in myself. i'm becoming more comfortable with me.
oddly enough, one of the cool ways that i like to express myself is through clothes. especially sneakers. true, all we need is another young african american male obsessed with shoes, but it's really a good thing for me. i'm just learning to express myself in all the various ways that are available to me. learning how to be myself, in Christ. doing what Christ says, and after i've accomplished that...doing me.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
my seminary poem
So, I've been in seminary for almost a year now. Here is a poem that reflects my process thus far. Hope you like!
And yes, it's loaded with meaning.
the lines really aren't where we say they are
and the boundaries are really just the beginning
words with eternal implications become more
than bible study conversation
we have to think
ooops
countless streams of revelation, inspiration
hidden away
stifled by our concentration on being correct
or because grandma might object
no, not the elimination of right and wrong
but learning the truth about the truth
attuning the ears more accutely to the Lord's song
but then you get mad because you realize
the song they played before was simply lies
or that the melody you were told didn't matter
is more vital than the three part harmony
the purity of truth drowned out by high notes
and runs
people start confusing truth with noise
just because the noise is easier to handle
than the silence of reality
selah
then you realize again that the lies weren't intentional
just doctrine based on conventional wisdom
fervently taught but never pondered
the canon might be closed but brains are not
stir the pot you won't get shot
but you'll be politely asked to kick rocks
the gravity of your knowledge might just snatch all
our followers
(and our dollars)
this is what happens when the truth about the truth
is preached to the youth
they voice it, and if you won't help them, they find
their own booth and spit
drawing from their own holy writ
drinking the waters that are so available
this is where am what i've seen and what
i've heard
the word...i'm learning about the word that i never heard
but i always knew existed
And yes, it's loaded with meaning.
the lines really aren't where we say they are
and the boundaries are really just the beginning
words with eternal implications become more
than bible study conversation
we have to think
ooops
countless streams of revelation, inspiration
hidden away
stifled by our concentration on being correct
or because grandma might object
no, not the elimination of right and wrong
but learning the truth about the truth
attuning the ears more accutely to the Lord's song
but then you get mad because you realize
the song they played before was simply lies
or that the melody you were told didn't matter
is more vital than the three part harmony
the purity of truth drowned out by high notes
and runs
people start confusing truth with noise
just because the noise is easier to handle
than the silence of reality
selah
then you realize again that the lies weren't intentional
just doctrine based on conventional wisdom
fervently taught but never pondered
the canon might be closed but brains are not
stir the pot you won't get shot
but you'll be politely asked to kick rocks
the gravity of your knowledge might just snatch all
our followers
(and our dollars)
this is what happens when the truth about the truth
is preached to the youth
they voice it, and if you won't help them, they find
their own booth and spit
drawing from their own holy writ
drinking the waters that are so available
this is where am what i've seen and what
i've heard
the word...i'm learning about the word that i never heard
but i always knew existed
where i DON'T want to be
there is one place my soul takes displeasure in, two places that my soul hates
1. my part time job
now, i know that it's a blessing to have a job. however, i sincerely do not like working for these two old people. i pray that when i become old that i'm not annoying/evil. i'm trying to adjust to make it better, but as SOON as i get my money from school i'm dropping this job like a hot potato. for real.
what annoys me about the job? EVERYTHING. the best part about the job is the cookies that i get from subway across the street...and they don't even make those anymore so there goes my inspiration.
2. church
i don't really hate it...i could just never go for months at a time and be fine with it. and it's not every church...but just the one i'm at now. i've been feeling this way for months. it's not that anything's wrong with the church. the people are great. the teaching is good. i enjoy singing on the praise team. i think it's me, honestly. i'm incredibly bored there. i'm ready to leave as soon as i arrive.
i really think i'm the "problem," if there is indeed a problem. seminary and the like are beginning to shape me. i actually enjoy school in ways that i didn't last semester. one theory that i have is that what i get in school in terms of "spiritual food" may be so shazam wham pow that my current assembly just seems kinda "eh." that's not the church's fault though.
also, i realize that i'm a pretty busy dude. i'm in school, and i'm busy with anq stuff. at times i feel a lack of connection and that could be why. can stop school. anq will be less in the picture in a year, but i have my commitments that i want to see fulfilled. again, that's not the church's fault.
it's just me. and even as i sit here and type this i'm even more convinced that i really might need to make a change.
1. my part time job
now, i know that it's a blessing to have a job. however, i sincerely do not like working for these two old people. i pray that when i become old that i'm not annoying/evil. i'm trying to adjust to make it better, but as SOON as i get my money from school i'm dropping this job like a hot potato. for real.
what annoys me about the job? EVERYTHING. the best part about the job is the cookies that i get from subway across the street...and they don't even make those anymore so there goes my inspiration.
2. church
i don't really hate it...i could just never go for months at a time and be fine with it. and it's not every church...but just the one i'm at now. i've been feeling this way for months. it's not that anything's wrong with the church. the people are great. the teaching is good. i enjoy singing on the praise team. i think it's me, honestly. i'm incredibly bored there. i'm ready to leave as soon as i arrive.
i really think i'm the "problem," if there is indeed a problem. seminary and the like are beginning to shape me. i actually enjoy school in ways that i didn't last semester. one theory that i have is that what i get in school in terms of "spiritual food" may be so shazam wham pow that my current assembly just seems kinda "eh." that's not the church's fault though.
also, i realize that i'm a pretty busy dude. i'm in school, and i'm busy with anq stuff. at times i feel a lack of connection and that could be why. can stop school. anq will be less in the picture in a year, but i have my commitments that i want to see fulfilled. again, that's not the church's fault.
it's just me. and even as i sit here and type this i'm even more convinced that i really might need to make a change.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
many parts
i'm a multi-faceted person.
i'm just beginning to embrace that. at times it's difficult for me to. in my various roles and responsibilities in life (president, dean, student, son, brother, etc.), at times i find it hard to turn them all off. or they bleed into one another. being the president when i would be the son. acting like a brother when i should be the dean.
i guess maturity helps bring all that together. however, i think for me it's an added kick: i see everything all at once.
i process stuff on a deep level w/o trying. when it comes to reading, perceiving, or hearing, what other people strain to do i do naturally. for example, if we both look at a yard in front of a house, you might see a lawn. i'll see a lawn, but i'll also see all 13,593 blades of grass. i'll notice the ones that are blowing in opposite directions. it's not that i perceive better...i just perceive deeper, faster.
it's cool when it comes to being analytical or in situations where you need to keep your wits about you. unfortunately, it can wear you out. that's why i usually don't like large crowds at concerts or the like. i'm taking it all in and it frazzles my system.
i'm still in process of getting all the pieces together so they won't run into each other. but what i'm realizing is that some parts are becoming more important to me than others...
i'm just beginning to embrace that. at times it's difficult for me to. in my various roles and responsibilities in life (president, dean, student, son, brother, etc.), at times i find it hard to turn them all off. or they bleed into one another. being the president when i would be the son. acting like a brother when i should be the dean.
i guess maturity helps bring all that together. however, i think for me it's an added kick: i see everything all at once.
i process stuff on a deep level w/o trying. when it comes to reading, perceiving, or hearing, what other people strain to do i do naturally. for example, if we both look at a yard in front of a house, you might see a lawn. i'll see a lawn, but i'll also see all 13,593 blades of grass. i'll notice the ones that are blowing in opposite directions. it's not that i perceive better...i just perceive deeper, faster.
it's cool when it comes to being analytical or in situations where you need to keep your wits about you. unfortunately, it can wear you out. that's why i usually don't like large crowds at concerts or the like. i'm taking it all in and it frazzles my system.
i'm still in process of getting all the pieces together so they won't run into each other. but what i'm realizing is that some parts are becoming more important to me than others...
Friday, September 25, 2009
Love pt. 2
"you know, that this point in your life you'll probably need to meet someone that sees your heart." Mom
My mother said that to me a couple of years ago. It popped up in my mind again. A while back I wrote a post on love and my feelings concerning it. I guess you can consider this part two of it.
Anyways, I think my mother is right. The reality is, I probably just don't have a lot of the stuff that Christian women are looking for, and by that I mean the entire package. I'm a nice guy. I'm romantic, thoughtful, caring, all the cool stuff. However, I'm also a grad student with not much to my name. I'm a full time student with a very part time job. I don't have a car. I don't have my own apartment.
The reality is that I think at times I would get passed over because I don't have the trappings.
Now, I'm not saying to date scrubs. Oh, no. You need to have a plan, some goals, aspirations. But, sometimes even with all of that, you don't have everything you want at the moment. There are a ton of people that have their plans "in progress" that don't have it all the way together yet, but they are in that press. I do think that places me off the market in some ladies' eyes. I really do. Do I think it's shallow? Not really. But it gets interesting when people say there are no men around and then they have a long list of criteria.
Like I said in my other post about love, I have my goals. I want to get my Masters of Divinity and eventually my Doctorate. I want to become a solid Christian leader that pushes things forward for God. The person that is for me will understand that. I don't have all the other stuff that some people my age do (i.e. their own places, cars, money, etc.). I just have the drive to pursue what I believe to be the calling of God in and on my life.
So, am I pressed? Eh, not really. Although it's been on my mind the past few days. I don't know why. Since it's on my heart so much, I guess I'll pray about it. But I guess this part of the Love series ends at the same place that my first one did: I've got to pursue my dreams. If I meet the love of my life and don't accomplish this stuff...then I'll feel unfulfilled.
Until then, I'll be the groomsman and never the groom. The friend like none other instead of the boyfriend. The third wheel. Sometimes I wonder if it will happen for me. But, I keep pressing for the stuff that's right in front of me. There's just too much to smile about to stay sad about it for long :-)
My mother said that to me a couple of years ago. It popped up in my mind again. A while back I wrote a post on love and my feelings concerning it. I guess you can consider this part two of it.
Anyways, I think my mother is right. The reality is, I probably just don't have a lot of the stuff that Christian women are looking for, and by that I mean the entire package. I'm a nice guy. I'm romantic, thoughtful, caring, all the cool stuff. However, I'm also a grad student with not much to my name. I'm a full time student with a very part time job. I don't have a car. I don't have my own apartment.
The reality is that I think at times I would get passed over because I don't have the trappings.
Now, I'm not saying to date scrubs. Oh, no. You need to have a plan, some goals, aspirations. But, sometimes even with all of that, you don't have everything you want at the moment. There are a ton of people that have their plans "in progress" that don't have it all the way together yet, but they are in that press. I do think that places me off the market in some ladies' eyes. I really do. Do I think it's shallow? Not really. But it gets interesting when people say there are no men around and then they have a long list of criteria.
Like I said in my other post about love, I have my goals. I want to get my Masters of Divinity and eventually my Doctorate. I want to become a solid Christian leader that pushes things forward for God. The person that is for me will understand that. I don't have all the other stuff that some people my age do (i.e. their own places, cars, money, etc.). I just have the drive to pursue what I believe to be the calling of God in and on my life.
So, am I pressed? Eh, not really. Although it's been on my mind the past few days. I don't know why. Since it's on my heart so much, I guess I'll pray about it. But I guess this part of the Love series ends at the same place that my first one did: I've got to pursue my dreams. If I meet the love of my life and don't accomplish this stuff...then I'll feel unfulfilled.
Until then, I'll be the groomsman and never the groom. The friend like none other instead of the boyfriend. The third wheel. Sometimes I wonder if it will happen for me. But, I keep pressing for the stuff that's right in front of me. There's just too much to smile about to stay sad about it for long :-)
Saturday, September 19, 2009
quiet and peace :-)
i just have a need to be quiet.
i'm sitting here typing this blog as a break from doing homework. i'm current in delaware at the MAR retreat with ANQ. i'm pretty sure that it's going to be great. however, for a large chunk of friday night i've decided to sit here with my trusty laptop and crank out some much needed homework, since i have my first round of exams due this coming week. i know that i won't get anything done tomorrow or sunday, so i needed to steal this time.
i actually did make some progress, which is good. i started my case study and i have a pretty solid outline for my short essay in another class. it was a good move for me to come up here and do some work. however, i must admit that i enjoy the quiet. i just need quiet sometimes. peace is actually more like it. just to connect, reflect, and rejuvenate. with god and myself. especially if i have a day where it was filled with all types of stimuli (like today), i really just need the chance to breathe.
at some point today (since i'm sure people won't be going to sleep), i'll reconnect with everyone. but i know at some point my room will be filled with random conversations, pseudo-arguments, and other stimuli that i consistently have trouble blocking out. and that i probably could care less about since i've probably heard it all before. so for now i'll just enjoy the peace and smile :-) and maybe do a little more of this work.
i'm sitting here typing this blog as a break from doing homework. i'm current in delaware at the MAR retreat with ANQ. i'm pretty sure that it's going to be great. however, for a large chunk of friday night i've decided to sit here with my trusty laptop and crank out some much needed homework, since i have my first round of exams due this coming week. i know that i won't get anything done tomorrow or sunday, so i needed to steal this time.
i actually did make some progress, which is good. i started my case study and i have a pretty solid outline for my short essay in another class. it was a good move for me to come up here and do some work. however, i must admit that i enjoy the quiet. i just need quiet sometimes. peace is actually more like it. just to connect, reflect, and rejuvenate. with god and myself. especially if i have a day where it was filled with all types of stimuli (like today), i really just need the chance to breathe.
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