since i was suppose to blog yesterday and i didn't, i need to do a double post today. here are some more lessons that i gleaned from sparring. hope they are helpful.
1. don't take a hit when you don't have to
in sparring, especially full contact, the best thing is to avoid contact with the other person's blows. of course, you can block, but blocking won't help if someone is hitting you with a full power kick. you could still end up injured badly.
in life, it's better to dodge and avoid the attacks if you can. oftentimes we get bruised from things that we could have just avoided. the tough part is, unlike in sparring, sometimes the things that you should avoid seem GREAT.
there are times that i wish i would've allowed myself to get hit. perhaps i could've slept around some and "sowed my oats" as the old folks say. had some drunken nights. just do all types of crazy stuff. but ultimately, this leads to bruises or worse. i've seen the bruises they leave on other people. it's not a good thing to carry a limp into a fight if you don't have to.
2. you WILL get hit
this may seem contradictory, but it's really not. despite your best efforts to dodge, sometimes you will get hit. it's inevitable. no matter how good you are at sparring at some point you'll get kicked in head, knocked out of the ring, or receive some sort of blow that will rattle you. as well as you might spar, your opponent is also talented. it doesn't mean that he hates you, or that your coach wants you to get attacked, but it's just a part of the game.
the same thing happens in life. it's not always some grand cosmic scheme that something negative has happened to you. don't be so quick to give god the blame (he doesn't make EVERYTHING happen)...or satan the glory (he's only as dangerous as we allow him to be in our personal lives). we live in a jacked up world where jacked up things happen. the end. there's nothing wrong with you. you just got hit. no more, no less. no need to make up a theological theory as to why it happened. the bigger issue is, "it happened, what now?"
3. you can't practice during a match
if only sparring matches could be like dragonball z. if i could just get angry enough to ascend to another level in the middle of a fight so that i could demolish my opponent it would be great. and i'm one of the few people that actually gets more focused when they are angry. but that's not real life. "potential" is given far too much credit nowadays, and it has no place in the ring. what you can actually do is all that matters. "potential" is like a diamond that needs to be mined out of the ground and refined via practice. there's no such thing as "instant improvement."
in the rough times of life, you can't fake it. either you have the chops or you don't. the circumstances will reveal if you do. it's best to prepare yourself before those situations come up...because just like in sparring you KNOW that you're going to get hit. you KNOW at some point a match is coming up. prepare. develop a relationship with Christ...NOW. it doesn't matter that you heard god in an audible voice two months ago. STALE MANNA IS USELESS AND IT HAS WORMS. what have you heard today? have you experienced god today? have you held his hand today? if not, how will you be able to connect with god in the rough times? what strategies will you have? will you be fit enough? strong enough? if you don't practice when there isn't a problem, you won't be able to show and prove when there is.
4. go on the attack
in the fighting game world, there is this thing called "turtling." basically, you just sit there and block while the other person attacks. turtling can happen for two reasons: 1.) you're scared to attack. 2.) your opponent isn't giving you another option. this happens in sparring, too. having great defense is good, but you can't win if you don't hit the other person. you've got to attack at some point.
turtling isn't always a bad thing, even in life. sometimes all you can do is block. sometimes attacks are coming too fast and furious for you to counter. but sometimes we duck and cover out of fear. that's never good. if you are turtling because of fear, STOP. you'll never win at anything that is important to you. get out there and FIGHT. if you get hit, fine. bear the scars of a warrior instead of the bruises of a wimp.
and if you have no choice but to turtle, pay attention. look for patterns. wait for your chance to attack. because while you may have had to endure a barrage...you've also gotten a chance to see a big picture of how they fight. remember that the one who attacks is also vulnerable to attack.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Life Lessons From Sparring
i sparred again yesterday.
my first impression was that i sucked.
my first time doing tae kwon do was in the ATF/ITF style. the type of sparring is different. it's point sparring and you break once a point is scored.
WTF style, however, is different. it's continuous point sparring, full contact. i've done a little bit of that style years ago. my most memorable moment was when i kicked my coach in the nuts by accident (sorry mr. kim). but that was it. in this style, you can win by a knockout.
the style of sparring that i'm used to doesn't translate well to WTF. what gets you success in one will almost surely get you killed in the other. i was kicked around, pushed around, and outclassed. at one point i became visibility frustrated.
"are you okay?" the instructor asked
"no!" I said emphatically. "i don't know what to do! I feel stupid!"
the instructor's voice went from pushy to encouraging. "look, it's okay to get hit. be strong, get out there, and do your best. practice what we worked on earlier."
something about me is that i don't like doing things wrong. i just don't. my last name is wright for crying out loud. i was enraged by my lack of progress and perceived failure. i was salty the rest of the practice. having an injured foot and slightly bruised shins didn't help.
but when i got home, i realized something.
i performed a lot better than my first time sparring in march. that time, i spent most of the fight running. this time, i sparred three different people. even got some decent hits in. of course, i won't be able to beat them for a while. they have more experience than i do. but if i could magically spar myself from a month ago, i would have beaten my former self.
i've actually gotten better.
i improved, but i didn't notice my improvement because i was gauging myself by someone else's talents and skills. that made me diminish my own strides.
i should learn not to do that. and so should you.
my first impression was that i sucked.
my first time doing tae kwon do was in the ATF/ITF style. the type of sparring is different. it's point sparring and you break once a point is scored.
WTF style, however, is different. it's continuous point sparring, full contact. i've done a little bit of that style years ago. my most memorable moment was when i kicked my coach in the nuts by accident (sorry mr. kim). but that was it. in this style, you can win by a knockout.
the style of sparring that i'm used to doesn't translate well to WTF. what gets you success in one will almost surely get you killed in the other. i was kicked around, pushed around, and outclassed. at one point i became visibility frustrated.
"are you okay?" the instructor asked
"no!" I said emphatically. "i don't know what to do! I feel stupid!"
the instructor's voice went from pushy to encouraging. "look, it's okay to get hit. be strong, get out there, and do your best. practice what we worked on earlier."
something about me is that i don't like doing things wrong. i just don't. my last name is wright for crying out loud. i was enraged by my lack of progress and perceived failure. i was salty the rest of the practice. having an injured foot and slightly bruised shins didn't help.
but when i got home, i realized something.
i performed a lot better than my first time sparring in march. that time, i spent most of the fight running. this time, i sparred three different people. even got some decent hits in. of course, i won't be able to beat them for a while. they have more experience than i do. but if i could magically spar myself from a month ago, i would have beaten my former self.
i've actually gotten better.
i improved, but i didn't notice my improvement because i was gauging myself by someone else's talents and skills. that made me diminish my own strides.
i should learn not to do that. and so should you.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Dell's Dislike List
taking inspiration from a friend, i've decided to create dell's dislike list. there will be a random assortment of silly and serious things on this list, so i guess it really reflects me.
Dell dislikes...
-Wednesdays
-Liver
-when people think theological education isn't important
-when people take the bible WAY out of context
-black eyed peas
-egg whites
-bees, wasps, and other stinging creatures (which pretty much means i don't like australia)
-high maintenance ANYTHING
-the fact that i can't keep my room clean for longer than 3 days
-the fact that i leave a trail of books, paper, and wires wherever i go
-piccadilly's (it's everything i don't like to eat ALL in one spot)
-cold french fries
-open water
-when people think christianity is the "white man's religion" (even though we give them good reason to think that at times)
-bad weaves
-not being able to love how jesus loved
-bad grammar. it vexes my soul
these are just some of a few things on my list. what's on yours?
Dell dislikes...
-Wednesdays
-Liver
-when people think theological education isn't important
-when people take the bible WAY out of context
-black eyed peas
-egg whites
-bees, wasps, and other stinging creatures (which pretty much means i don't like australia)
-high maintenance ANYTHING
-the fact that i can't keep my room clean for longer than 3 days
-the fact that i leave a trail of books, paper, and wires wherever i go
-piccadilly's (it's everything i don't like to eat ALL in one spot)
-cold french fries
-open water
-when people think christianity is the "white man's religion" (even though we give them good reason to think that at times)
-bad weaves
-not being able to love how jesus loved
-bad grammar. it vexes my soul
these are just some of a few things on my list. what's on yours?
Monday, January 31, 2011
tae kwon do: back in action
i love the fact that i'm in tae kwon do again. it was such a large part of my life for so many years. it was the beginning of the resurrection of my self-confidence.
i remember my first practice. it was in downtown asbury park. i was about 12 years old. part of my first lesson was learning how to punch correct. how to hit with the first two knuckles, and how it was best to aim for the part of the face right under the nose.
that next day, i started something that i would do for the next 7 years. i went outside and began to train on my own. i must have thrown 1000 punches that day. problem was that i was in the summer heat. i drained all my energy. i was sick in bed for the next day or so from heat exhaustion. for almost a decade more i would train outside, in our basement, or in random abandoned fields. i ran countless laps around our large city blocks to get in shape.
i remember the time that i was a blue belt. there was a kicking competition at the school, and i managed to defeat everyone, even the higher ranks. A couple of years later, i won a local tournament and a regional tournament.
it was during that time that i met one of the most profound mentors of my life. he trained me in tae kwon do. but his friendship, acceptance, and encouragement has a large part in who i am today. after my dad, i think mr. kim has had the most influence over me. he taught me discipline, to persevere, and to move forward. oh, and to not be so rude (i'm still learning that lesson).
courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self control, indomitable spirit. the five tenants of ATF tae kwon do. i carried these tenants into my walk with christ when it began. in some ways, i think jesus was already teaching me while i training.
i happy to be back at it.
i remember my first practice. it was in downtown asbury park. i was about 12 years old. part of my first lesson was learning how to punch correct. how to hit with the first two knuckles, and how it was best to aim for the part of the face right under the nose.
that next day, i started something that i would do for the next 7 years. i went outside and began to train on my own. i must have thrown 1000 punches that day. problem was that i was in the summer heat. i drained all my energy. i was sick in bed for the next day or so from heat exhaustion. for almost a decade more i would train outside, in our basement, or in random abandoned fields. i ran countless laps around our large city blocks to get in shape.
i remember the time that i was a blue belt. there was a kicking competition at the school, and i managed to defeat everyone, even the higher ranks. A couple of years later, i won a local tournament and a regional tournament.
it was during that time that i met one of the most profound mentors of my life. he trained me in tae kwon do. but his friendship, acceptance, and encouragement has a large part in who i am today. after my dad, i think mr. kim has had the most influence over me. he taught me discipline, to persevere, and to move forward. oh, and to not be so rude (i'm still learning that lesson).
courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self control, indomitable spirit. the five tenants of ATF tae kwon do. i carried these tenants into my walk with christ when it began. in some ways, i think jesus was already teaching me while i training.
i happy to be back at it.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
being the best me...FOR ME
i've thought about it, and this is what i think.
i want to be the best ME.
i don't want to become the best thing that someone else thinks i should be, so then i can get their approval.
i don't want to be whack (and i'm not), but i also don't want to beat myself over the head becoming "marriage material" either. because what if i never get married? while i want to get married, it's a chance that it might not happen.
what then? i spent time making a nest for a bird that will never come home.
so, instead, i want to work on me. being the best me i can be. growing in character. growing in wisdom. because the best me is what the one for me would want anyway. and if they never come along, i can say that i've gotten a lot out of myself.
my name is verdell. i like cartoons. i'm a theology nerd. i love tennis. i eat breakfast food all the time. i'm a sucker for serials and other shows with an ongoing story. i'm a bid kid. i like superman.
oh, and i'm doing my best to walk like christ and demonstrate his character every day.
if that's not enough for you...that's too bad. it HAS to be enough for me.
i want to be the best ME.
i don't want to become the best thing that someone else thinks i should be, so then i can get their approval.
i don't want to be whack (and i'm not), but i also don't want to beat myself over the head becoming "marriage material" either. because what if i never get married? while i want to get married, it's a chance that it might not happen.
what then? i spent time making a nest for a bird that will never come home.
so, instead, i want to work on me. being the best me i can be. growing in character. growing in wisdom. because the best me is what the one for me would want anyway. and if they never come along, i can say that i've gotten a lot out of myself.
my name is verdell. i like cartoons. i'm a theology nerd. i love tennis. i eat breakfast food all the time. i'm a sucker for serials and other shows with an ongoing story. i'm a bid kid. i like superman.
oh, and i'm doing my best to walk like christ and demonstrate his character every day.
if that's not enough for you...that's too bad. it HAS to be enough for me.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Pass Me Not...
had another one of those pivotal convos with a very close friend today. we were sharing some things that were on our hearts. when i discussed my issues, he said he would think about what i said and then get back to me.
i told him that i feel like i'm consistently passed by as a person. i mean, i know people love me. but i feel like i'm never considered for much...i'm just "verdell." oh, that verdell, he'll have a word from god, and definition for the word you don't know, and even a good joke. but that's it. i told him that i routinely feel passed up by women, and that i feel guys don't respect me at all. "is there something i need to fix? am i doing something wrong?" i asked. "i really want to know...i just need some answers."
after thinking for a while, he called me back with some answers. "let me say this," he said. "i don't think you really need to change yourself. i think you are fine how you are. however, i do think there are some things that work against you."
"work against me?" i asked. "i'm confused."
my friend reassured me. "i'll explain. i don't think these things are bad things, but it will make it more challenging for you out here to attract attention. the first is that you are a black christian male. like, you really want to live for god. however, the stereotype of christian men, especially black christian men, is that they are punks, weak, and gay."
he continued. "Next, you're a nice guy. i know you have some jersey tendencies that pop out, but a person won't see them unless they really spend time with you. you don't fit the stereotypical model of a man in that way, you know, tough, rugged, super masculine all the time. people could perceive that as gay, too. actually, when i met you i thought that was a possibility. you demeanor fits the mold."
that made my heart sink a little. but i continued to listen.
"i know that isn't the case now, as i got to know you. but i feel like that'll make a lot of women in our circles ignore you and a lot of men have a slightly negative opinion about you. they might not esteem you as 'a man.' they'll assume that you're weak, and not really give you your due. i think it's a good thing though, that you don't play 'my penis is bigger than yours' like other guys do. it shows that you're confident."
"lastly, you have unique tastes. you like to read, you play tennis, you play video games, and you read comic books. you don't fit the image of a stereotypical dude that way. and you blog! and you have a very childlike heart. again, not your stereotypical dude."
"Dag," i said. "everything you said about me is true. there's nothing on that list that i can change without becoming a totally different person. i like all that stuff about me."
"i do, too!" my friend responded. "i like the fact that you like tennis, that you get excited about video games, and that you really try to be nice to people. that makes you...you! however, those are things run counter to what society expects a men, especially a black man, to be.
we talked for a while longer. i don't know if it was obvious through the phone conversation, but a tear streamed down my face. i was sad because everything my friend said about me was true: it was authentically me. i didn't want to change; i like myself. however, who i am isn't "normal."it was a tension that i've dealt with for over 20 years. i was feeling the pinch from it very strong the past few months.
there was no option. i was going to continue being me. i hung up the phone with my friend and cried some more. i didn't want to, but i figured if i just cried i would see some clarity afterwards. i was right. i realized that if the the disrespect, the overlooking, and the labels that get thrown my way is a price for being authentic, then i'll suffer. i honestly sat back and said that this is authentically me. for real. no filler. my character can always get better, and it will. but my personally is this.
take me as i am...that's what i'm doing.
i told him that i feel like i'm consistently passed by as a person. i mean, i know people love me. but i feel like i'm never considered for much...i'm just "verdell." oh, that verdell, he'll have a word from god, and definition for the word you don't know, and even a good joke. but that's it. i told him that i routinely feel passed up by women, and that i feel guys don't respect me at all. "is there something i need to fix? am i doing something wrong?" i asked. "i really want to know...i just need some answers."
after thinking for a while, he called me back with some answers. "let me say this," he said. "i don't think you really need to change yourself. i think you are fine how you are. however, i do think there are some things that work against you."
"work against me?" i asked. "i'm confused."
my friend reassured me. "i'll explain. i don't think these things are bad things, but it will make it more challenging for you out here to attract attention. the first is that you are a black christian male. like, you really want to live for god. however, the stereotype of christian men, especially black christian men, is that they are punks, weak, and gay."
he continued. "Next, you're a nice guy. i know you have some jersey tendencies that pop out, but a person won't see them unless they really spend time with you. you don't fit the stereotypical model of a man in that way, you know, tough, rugged, super masculine all the time. people could perceive that as gay, too. actually, when i met you i thought that was a possibility. you demeanor fits the mold."
that made my heart sink a little. but i continued to listen.
"i know that isn't the case now, as i got to know you. but i feel like that'll make a lot of women in our circles ignore you and a lot of men have a slightly negative opinion about you. they might not esteem you as 'a man.' they'll assume that you're weak, and not really give you your due. i think it's a good thing though, that you don't play 'my penis is bigger than yours' like other guys do. it shows that you're confident."
"lastly, you have unique tastes. you like to read, you play tennis, you play video games, and you read comic books. you don't fit the image of a stereotypical dude that way. and you blog! and you have a very childlike heart. again, not your stereotypical dude."
"Dag," i said. "everything you said about me is true. there's nothing on that list that i can change without becoming a totally different person. i like all that stuff about me."
"i do, too!" my friend responded. "i like the fact that you like tennis, that you get excited about video games, and that you really try to be nice to people. that makes you...you! however, those are things run counter to what society expects a men, especially a black man, to be.
we talked for a while longer. i don't know if it was obvious through the phone conversation, but a tear streamed down my face. i was sad because everything my friend said about me was true: it was authentically me. i didn't want to change; i like myself. however, who i am isn't "normal."it was a tension that i've dealt with for over 20 years. i was feeling the pinch from it very strong the past few months.
there was no option. i was going to continue being me. i hung up the phone with my friend and cried some more. i didn't want to, but i figured if i just cried i would see some clarity afterwards. i was right. i realized that if the the disrespect, the overlooking, and the labels that get thrown my way is a price for being authentic, then i'll suffer. i honestly sat back and said that this is authentically me. for real. no filler. my character can always get better, and it will. but my personally is this.
take me as i am...that's what i'm doing.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Christian Masculinity
at times, christian men confuse me.
and yes, i'm christian. and a man. *double checks*
i think we cater to the world's idea of masculinity and try to pass it off as christian. we have this warrior, braveheart mentality about our walk and they way that men should behave and i think it constantly falls short of Christ.
of course, the image of an athlete and a solider is used in the new testament. but we have to remember that 1.) those images were used to prove a point that paul was driving home, and 2.) they are images AMONGST OTHER IMAGES. images are used to point to a bigger reality, but the images themselves are NOT the reality. another examples are jesus' sayings about the kingdom. it would be "the kingdom is like..." because he's using an example to illustrate a point about the kingdom. there are MANY examples of what the kingdom is like, not just one. to ignore the others for the sake of one is a mistake.
just holding to one image isn't a holistic (or fair) approach to scripture. one of the biggest failings of western christianity overall is our lack of understanding where we've traded christ's ideal for the contemporary society that we've lived in (that's how TBN stays on the air). according to our standards, jesus is a wuss for crying when lazarus died and needs to "man up." and that whole business about jesus wanting his homies to hang with him before he was arrested? real men go it alone. oh, and forget that whole lamenting over lost cities with woes and whatnot, and saying that he wanted to gather them up like a hen (luke 13:34). yep, jesus wanted to act like a chicken. a GIRL chicken at that.
according to our culture men aren't supposed to show emotion, besides aggression (i think this is particularly true in the african american community, but that's worth another post all together). men are supposed to be tough, focused, and intense. i don't think those are bad qualities, but being "tough, focused, and intense" usually is an excuse for being hardheaded, narrow minded, and insensitive. jesus was none of those things.
now what i'm saying doesn't negate being good stewards, or providing for families, managing emotions, etc. forget being christ-like, that's just good sense! but i think that we stifle people's growth when we force them to fit a personality archetype. Character and personality are not the same thing. personality is just that...personal! but character determines how dispense our personality to the world. for example, look at a highway. all the cars have different designs, colors, and features (personality) but they are have four wheels and run on gas (character).
i guess it's a hot button issue for me because i know how it feels to be looked down at and talked about because i'm not "manly enough" according to society's standards and/or christian standards (which are remarkably like the world). i've been called all types of names because of it, and some of them still stick with me a bit. but i have to say that my two examples of exemplary men in my life are where i draw my opinion of manhood.
of course, one is christ. i think if we realized how much he was free from the constraints of his society, we wouldn't approach some things the way that we do. the other is my father. my father taught me to be strong, to be diligent. but he taught me to be myself. he didn't make me play sports. he saw that i liked reading better, so he bought me books. he saw that i like drawing so he bought me paper. he didn't try to make into what society thought a "man" should be. trust, verdell wright, sr. didn't raise a punk...but i think more than anyone else i know my father understood the cost of being "mr. rough and tough." he didn't want me, his son, to pay the same price.
thanks dad.
and yes, i'm christian. and a man. *double checks*
i think we cater to the world's idea of masculinity and try to pass it off as christian. we have this warrior, braveheart mentality about our walk and they way that men should behave and i think it constantly falls short of Christ.
of course, the image of an athlete and a solider is used in the new testament. but we have to remember that 1.) those images were used to prove a point that paul was driving home, and 2.) they are images AMONGST OTHER IMAGES. images are used to point to a bigger reality, but the images themselves are NOT the reality. another examples are jesus' sayings about the kingdom. it would be "the kingdom is like..." because he's using an example to illustrate a point about the kingdom. there are MANY examples of what the kingdom is like, not just one. to ignore the others for the sake of one is a mistake.
just holding to one image isn't a holistic (or fair) approach to scripture. one of the biggest failings of western christianity overall is our lack of understanding where we've traded christ's ideal for the contemporary society that we've lived in (that's how TBN stays on the air). according to our standards, jesus is a wuss for crying when lazarus died and needs to "man up." and that whole business about jesus wanting his homies to hang with him before he was arrested? real men go it alone. oh, and forget that whole lamenting over lost cities with woes and whatnot, and saying that he wanted to gather them up like a hen (luke 13:34). yep, jesus wanted to act like a chicken. a GIRL chicken at that.
according to our culture men aren't supposed to show emotion, besides aggression (i think this is particularly true in the african american community, but that's worth another post all together). men are supposed to be tough, focused, and intense. i don't think those are bad qualities, but being "tough, focused, and intense" usually is an excuse for being hardheaded, narrow minded, and insensitive. jesus was none of those things.
now what i'm saying doesn't negate being good stewards, or providing for families, managing emotions, etc. forget being christ-like, that's just good sense! but i think that we stifle people's growth when we force them to fit a personality archetype. Character and personality are not the same thing. personality is just that...personal! but character determines how dispense our personality to the world. for example, look at a highway. all the cars have different designs, colors, and features (personality) but they are have four wheels and run on gas (character).
i guess it's a hot button issue for me because i know how it feels to be looked down at and talked about because i'm not "manly enough" according to society's standards and/or christian standards (which are remarkably like the world). i've been called all types of names because of it, and some of them still stick with me a bit. but i have to say that my two examples of exemplary men in my life are where i draw my opinion of manhood.
of course, one is christ. i think if we realized how much he was free from the constraints of his society, we wouldn't approach some things the way that we do. the other is my father. my father taught me to be strong, to be diligent. but he taught me to be myself. he didn't make me play sports. he saw that i liked reading better, so he bought me books. he saw that i like drawing so he bought me paper. he didn't try to make into what society thought a "man" should be. trust, verdell wright, sr. didn't raise a punk...but i think more than anyone else i know my father understood the cost of being "mr. rough and tough." he didn't want me, his son, to pay the same price.
thanks dad.
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