I ACHIEVED NIRVANA! (no not really but i did wash all my laundry)

i did something last week that proves that i'm better than you at life AND that i'm the next step in human evolution.







i washed AND folded all of my laundry. in the same day.

nope, i'm not lying.

don't look at me like that! you know how close to humanly impossible that feat is! if this were a greek myth i would be on my way to mt. olympus right now to sit amongst the gods. i'm sure that washing and folding laundry in the same day was in the unedited version of hercules' 12 trials or something.

c'mon, let's be honest. most of the time laundry is like a a festival in the old testament. it takes days of preparation, reflection, prayer, and the threat of plagues and destruction if you don't comply. here's how it goes:

wednesday: hmm...there are more clothes in my hamper than in my closet. should i wash some clothes?

saturday: wow. i'm running out of clothes.

tuesday: okay...no more clothes. what should i do?

what happens next depends on the circumstances. if you are of means (see: high maintenance and/or lazy), you'll just run to the nearest target and buy more clothes. this extends the clothes washing festival by at least a week. if that doesn't describe you, then other factors matter. do you need quarters? is the washing machine too small? these are important things.)

tuesday night: i'm washing clothes...the first of 2304858229593 loads that i need to wash.
(wait, i shouldn't say "i'm" i should say "you" because i've ascended past this novice level now. i want to be CLEAR that we aren't talking about me but what YOU and the other mortals do.) the wash ends and you hear the buzzer, but you fall asleep...

wednesday morning: you put clothes in dryer for the shortest amount of time possible so that you'll at least have clothes for work.

wednesday night: you put clothes in dryer with two dryer sheets to get rid of the wet smell.

this cycle repeats for about a week. that is, until you realize that all the clothes you cleaned are now dirty again. and if you bought clothes to make up for it those clothes are dirty now too. so you have MORE clothes to wash.

this should make it clear just how awesome i am. i did all of that in the span of THREE HOURS. 50 pounds of clothes...all washed. i'm sure this earns me points in every religion. i mean, this is just a notch below turing water to wine.

now, this massive output of awesome power had its drawbacks. after bragging about it to my friend shaderi, i told her that i wasn't able to perform any normal feats of adulthood for a week. i slept through every alarm. all i ate for dinner for the rest of the week was cheese, cereal, and cool whip. and i'm certain that instead of answering a question on my philosophy exam that i drew smiley faces. oh, and when someone asked me what my future plans where, i just said "lettuce."

but guess what? it's okay. because i did something totally awesome. i'm still adjusting to using my new superpowers. you call it trifling. i call it a VACATION FOR BEING GREAT.

and for my next trick, i'll get my things ready the day before i need to!