extremely honest post about p0rn that you'll want to avoid unless you have issues with it yourself

p0rn is an epidemic. no country makes more than the US. if california does break off and fall into the sea, it'll probably be because the weight of all the p0rn studios in the state. i'm sure there are at least 124, 234, 572, 583, 293 metric tons of p0rn dvd, tapes, and video stores with black curtains. more than enough to sink a state.

you'd be hard pressed to find a male in this society that hasn't been somehow been affected by it. especially in the church.

i think people are trying to do things about that. but i think there is an aspect that we are missing.

let's just get this out of the way. is it a sin? YES. and i think it's a sin for numerous reasons, so if you disagree with the whole sexual immorality piece there's still plenty more reasons in my opinion. and on a base level, ANYTHING can become a sin when it has the power to dictate your life. and for lots of people, p0rn isn't just an annoying habit. if you can't say NO to something...then there's a problem.

with that said, i think that we fail to realize that sin of this nature very often becomes an ADDICTION. an addiction on par with alcoholism, drugs, etc. it's not as easy as just "walking away."for most of the people involved with it, if they could just walk away they would. we treat it like a spirit. and we do everything we can to pray it away so that we can be better christians.

the only problem is, that rarely works. too many times our purpose in prayer is to avoid responsibility when the true power of prayer is to empower you to make a difference.

how do i know this? because that's been my experience. i've been in AWFUL situations because of p0rn. awful. embarrassing. incriminating. oh, and silly, too. and why and i'm being so honest? because i want the stigma to be gone for others so that they'll do what it takes to get free. we all have failings. bring them to light and move forward.

i don't think i'll EVER be able to fully say that i've mastered it. i will get better at saying "no," but will i be out of the woods? who knows. for years and years and years it's been a part of my life. i used it get me through rough times, sad times, lonely times. it was my drug. when times were too rough, i used it to literally "knock me out." yes, the post-binge nap that comes after watching whatever you found. and yes, those were some bomb naps. but they came at an expensive price. and my issues were still there.

in our strive to be holy, i think we've neglected the fact that our body has chemicals and a brain that's wired to work a certain way. the only reason that you continually do something is that you get something from it, right? at the basic level, humans are very efficient creatures. you do this for a reason. and on some level it helps, albeit temporarily.

your body is like. "i feel bad."

so your brain is like, "let's get something to make ourselves feel better."

you happen to pick a sexual outlet...and then the rush of endorphins and dopamine give you a high. so your body is like, "the next time we feel bad, LET'S DO THAT!"

repeat that cycle often enough and you've developed a way to cope with situations. it's how you make it through. i think in the battle to help people with this issue that we need to move into this area. no, it's not always some big scary demon that needs to be cast out. it's a person with a strong addiction. this requires a change in thought process. prayer can help with that.

to be honest, most of the super spiritual stuff didn't work for me (note: it may work for YOU, but not for me. and my assumption is that it doesn't work for a lot of folks or we wouldn't be having this conversation). what helped make a difference is when i stopped trying to avoid my urges and issues. when i felt how i did, i confronted the issue, found a replacement, and began getting to the root of why i felt like i did. the more i did that, the weaker p0rn's grip was on me. i had other options. i got the release or connection that i needed in a healthy way, one that allows me to honor god and not pull myself through the slop.

i found that i was the most vulnerable when i felt one of these ways:

Bored or burned out
Lonely
Angry, apathetic, or afraid
Sad
Tired

when i feel like that, i'm about as strong as a wet noodle. resisting doesn't help me when i'm in that mode. i honestly CAN'T resist. the pull of the habit that i've created is too strong for me to stay out of. but instead of gritting my teeth and saying seven "hail marys," i've learned to engage that feeling instead.

i say this to myself:

"yo, dell. you are tired. and i know you need a way to go to sleep. but you don't have to do THAT. just relax. calm down and you'll go to sleep just fine. besides, you know if you go down this road you'll be on it for at least three days. when you step through this door, you give up control. don't do that. you don't have to."

it's amazing how you can learn to talk yourself off a ledge with practice. now, am i saying that prayer and all the other stuff is bad? of course not. prayer and meditation is definitely a part of how i just overall live my life. but i think it's foolish to ignore how god made us when that very knowledge could be what makes us free.

feel free to message me if you want to rap. at times people feel alone in it. doing away with that feeling makes it a little easier.