Bonfire for Jesus!

at various times in my walk with christ, one could say that i was "on fire." you know, that time when god is the most real thing to you. when you'd rather pray than eat. when you threw out every non-christian cd you had. when the words of the bible jumped right off the page.

early on, i didn't quite get the lingo, this "being on fire for god" thing. even when i was very little i had an aversion to religious language. yes, i wanted to be close to god, but on fire? the idea left some interesting images in my mind. if i was on fire, would there be smoke? because, you know, where there's fire smoke is there, too. and since i could assume that it was a holy fire, does that mean there will be holy smoke? is that the same smoke that filled the jewish temple? do i have to stop, drop, and roll to avoid this smoke? would it be appropriate to sing "breathe" when this type of smoke appeared? these are all important questions.

perhaps the fire was spontaneous and uncontrollable. i didn't want to risk being a hazard. so i considered getting on of these for my window.

a holy tot-finder! just in case this child of god gets "too hot." 

but then i thought it could be a negative thing. is this whole "on fire" business passionate love for god...or is it a punishment? because a lot of people seem like they are in pain when they are on fire, naturally AND spiritually. some folks seemed depressed, angry, and convinced that god is a just one sin away from blowing everyone away. and that seems more like a curse than a blessing. so, being the pop-culture person that i am, i could only think of god doing something like this:

clearly, that is something i would like to avoid. my humanity is kind of attuned to avoid things like fire, destruction, and other things that kill and char to the bone. i like that part about me. i mean, that's the reason i look both ways to cross the street.

as i journeyed along my walk with christ, i sincerely have experienced times when i was "on fire." those were good times. times of growth and times of power. the problem with fires though...is that they consume stuff. and after that, they go out. at various times i found myself trying to get my "fire" back (which is a little like getting your sexy back, but with less skin and more prayer). 

however, i've learned that passion doesn't always equate emotion. it's what grips you. it's what motivates you. it's what you will do when you're tired. i want that passion for god...and i think i have it. at various times there will be emotion behind it, sometimes there won't be. 

what i also realized is that my fire hasn't necessarily  simmered down. it's been tempered with WISDOM. zeal without wisdom is incredibly dangerous, and that's why a lot of young believers fizzle out. they just go full steam ahead and they flame out because of a lack of understanding about god, life, and themselves. i still like to take risks for god, i've just learned from my mistakes.

i think that being "on fire" at times has become a christian fad. it's the cool thing to do and be. but in my view, being on fire looks more like a personality type than an expression of god being alive in someone.

being on fire looks like this:

or like this:

but not like this...

Black men don't do this. It's too quiet. (note the sarcasm)

and most certainly not like this...

those last two pictures detail how i experience god in the most clear, precise way. it doesn't mean that the other expressions are bad, but if that's all being on fire for god is then i don't stand a chance. 

and neither do other folks who don't express themselves like that. i believe that god has created each of us uniquely to express various aspects of who god is. when you flow in that vein, the vein of who god created YOU to be, that's your personal fire.

when it's all said and done, i prefer to leave religious language like "on fire" behind. it's challenging to do, but it's a goal nonetheless. i say, just get to the point of it all. 

love god.

the end. 

What To Say...What To Write: A Reflection on Writer's Cramp

hello world. have you missed me?

my blogging has been no where near as consistent as i'd like it to be. quite honestly, i just don't know what to say. and it's not that i don't have things to talk about. it's the fact that i do my best to be a calculated speaker and writer. if i can't say what i want with the precision that i want i tend to be quiet. for the most part, if i say it, that is EXACTLY what i mean.

problem is, even if i mean it, what i'm saying or writing may not be right. while feelings are authentic, feelings are a byproduct of our own personal realities. and those personal realities may or may not be based on truth. i need time to reflect, process, and bounce my own thoughts around my head. what are my thoughts and feelings based on? how close is this to Truth?

also, i don't want to be mr. angry all the time. i realized recently that i point out a lot of things that are wrong, or things that i have issues with. i don't want my blog to be about just that. i want to blog about things that are right. things that are good. pleasant things. funny things.

i don't have writer's block. that occurs when you don't know what to say. what i really have is writer's cramp, a condition that occurs from using your brain too much without letting it breathe. and yes, i just made that term up. if you use it without my permission, whatever you're working on will spontaneously combust.

hopefully, the time away has given me some time to reflect, pray, and gather my thoughts in such a way that i can crank out some more goodness. i have some more blogs in the works, and it will be a combination of humor, discussion, and serious topics. stay tuned!

here's what you can look forward to:

• i'll be doing a tribute to some of my closest friends. i love to honor people and this will hopefully be a way to say "thank you for being a friend!"
• humorous discussions concerning the randomness that my friends and i usually encounter.
• oh, and of course the theological/bible discussions

thanks for reading! and as always...feel free to comment!

and since we're on that topic, is there anything that you would like to see me write about?

Is Your Theology Blocking the Cross?

doctrine seems to be a buzz word now.

i mean, it was always important. rightfully so. it's just that i think we have taken it too far.

reformed. cogic. baptist. episcopalian. vineyard. charismatic. non-denominational with a bapticostal twist. we all have come into the faith via various streams or patterns of thought. at some point we probably changed or amended some of our beliefs. but at some point i think it gets in the way of jesus.

in my reading and study so far, i don't see predestination as a major arguing point of jesus or any of the apostles. nor do i see lines being drawn in the sand over whether or not someone speaks in tongues. i DO see paul's continued issues with the judasizers (folks that wanted christians to conform to jewish rites) throughout his writings, particularly in the book galatians where it reaches a high point. but that issue was more than likely his "thorn" in my opinion so that was to be expected.

but these prolonged "discussions" (read: debates) that we tend to have? for real? are they necessary? one time, i saw several editions of a work created solely to disprove spiritual gifts. please, sir. i KNOW there is someone of more value in the kingdom than that.

there are some christian ideas and theology that i strongly disagree with. and there is someone out there that disagrees with me. but if these differences are over non-essential things, does it matter?

to me, this is sound doctrine: jesus died and rose again so that i can be reconciled with god. 

BAM.

THAT'S IT.

ALL DONE.

that comprises the very heart of my belief. if you take that out, i have nothing. now, there are other issues and topics that i think are very important. if you here me talk or minister for any length of time, you'll here bits and parallels that sound an awful lot like folks from the toronto blessing (look it up). folks like bill johnson, randy clark, and jill austin were major influences on my faith in the 2006-2008 period. i may not agree 100% with everything they say, but their teachings have positively influenced my life and caused growth.

but i dare not place my theological leanings, regardless of how "christian" or "orthodox" they may seem, in front of the cross. 

sometimes i don't think we even realize it. it's like people have buttons made or something.

"COGIC TIL I DIE!"

"BAPTIST OR BUST!"

"I DIDN'T CHOOSE REFORMED, GOD CHOSE IT FOR ME!"

oh, and i guess non-denominational is the ralph nader of the bunch.

but anyways, i say all of that to say this: have your points, have your theology, have your disagreements. that's fine...and healthy. just don't put your ideas in front of the cross. without realizing it, i think we block the view of jesus with all of our christian stuff, the perhaps important, but non-essential issues that we tout around.

besides, i take a cue from bill johnson in defining theology:

"Jesus is Perfect Theology."


by the way: here is a video with another one of my favorites, greg boyd. he's talking about non-negotiable truths and what those are.

osama's death: joy or sorrow (a decision)

on september 11, 2001, i was a college freshman at rutgers university. i was writing a paper for most of the day. this was before the advent of social media, so i wasn't aware of the terror taking place  45 minutes north of me. however, i did notice when people saw planes flying overhead and ducked, concerned about what could happen next.


terror fell out of the sky. people were killed that day. life would never the same.


sunday night, 5/1/2011, osama bin laden was killed in a military attack. ten years later, the man deemed responsible for the 9/11 attack was dead.


but was this justice?


numerous thoughts ran through my head. as you may or may not know, i'm a fan of theme songs. theme songs tend to be the soundtrack of my life. so the first thought to pop in my head was "ding dong the witch is dead." and that's fair, right? i mean, osama was the equivalent to the boogeyman! he was the antecedent to antoine dodson, as the news reports about osama caused us to "hide our kids!" because, at any moment, osama would jump through ours windows and start snatchin' all our people up.


so it's good that he's dead, right?


then, other feelings began to surface. i remembered osama's humanity. he was loved. he hurt. he bled. he had family. as a christian, should i celebrate this man's death?


and then the other issues came up that i saw other christians discuss. it appeared that they were thinking as well, but it was in a different way. thoughts of the old testament rang in one ear, and the love of Christ beckoned in another. do we laud the victory of the warrior god yahweh, or allow of the love of christ to make us mourn even this death? vengeance belongs to god, right? was this god getting revenge on a idol worshipping killer that murdered so many christians?


**as if everyone in the towers was a believer, and as if every muslim is a killer** -___-


i came to the conclusion that i shouldn't be happy that osama is dead. he did awful things, and personally, i would have preferred for him to stand trial. but i just can't glory in death, even of someone who many of us would consider to be wicked.


and here's why...


"Say to them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, people of Israel?’" Ezekiel 33:11


Jesus is all about life. he has so much of it that he just wants to give it away, and he consistently gives it to folks that we would never give it to. 


i don't think that god is pleased with osama's death. and i say that with the understanding that there are folks who lost loved ones on 9/11. i don't say this to diminish the reliving of the pain from that day or to judge the joy they may feel from osama's death. if i had a loved one that was killed in all of that mess i just might feel a bit differently at the moment.


but i hope that in the end...i would come back to ezekiel 33:11. 

Adult Management System

i did it AGAIN.

i washed all of my clothes and hung them up. not a small feat, let me tell you. how many young professionals do you know that can do that? even with a washer and dryer in their house?

well, i did it. and i did it again. britney spears.

however, there is one glitch that i still haven't figured out from the last time. see, when i perform this massive act of super hero proportions, i seem to lose all ability to perform any other adult/responsible actions for a period of time. for example, the first time i washed all my clothes it was at least 30 pounds of laundry. it took about two hours at the laundromat. after that, i wasn't able to produce feats of adulthood for several days.

dishes went unwashed.

alarm clocks weren't set.

i made a paper airplane out of my cell phone bill.

i figured out the amount of AMWs it took to perform that huge laundry feat. what are AMWs, you ask? Well, AMW stands for Adult Management Watts. it's the amount of energy necessary to complete the tasks that are important to adulthood. everyone has a certain amount; some more, some less. however, if this amount is drained totally then you have to wait until it loads back up to perform adult activities again.

i can expend about 40 AMWs before i'm all out. if i drain them all during one day, it takes three days to recharge them. so, i looked at the breakdown of all the effort it took to do the laundry that first time to see why i was so tired.

1. realizing that i needed to do laundry (1 AMW)
2.) realizing that the best thing to is to go to the laundromat and not use the machine downstairs (1 AMW)
3.) actually doing what i realized to be the correct thing to do and go to the laundromat (20 AMWs)
4.) packing clothes and loading car (5 AMWs)
5.) realizing that it's best to study for my mid term while waiting for clothes to wash (1 AMWs)
6.) actually doing what i realized to be the correct thing to do and take my study materials to the laundromat (15 AMWs)
7.) not spending money on mcdonald's while i'm waiting for clothes to be washed (12 AMWs)
8.) returning home and folding all the clothes on the spot (10 AMWs)

you see? i went over my limit. 65 AMWs. i taxed my AMS (adult management system). it's very dangerous to do that. the only way to coax it back up was with candy, cartoons, and a perceived lack of responsibility.

but seriously, i've realized that i need to downsize some things because i just can't keep up with it all. it's too much for me. i started creating systems so that i can manage myself and the things around me so that it doesn't fall into disrepair. it's better to do a little work somewhat often than do a whole lot of work at one time. it's so time consuming that way.

what is you AMW range? what do you do to stay on top of things in your life?

flagrant faggot foul: the kobe bryant incident

so, in a basketball game a couple of days ago, kobe bryant called a ref a "f*cking faggot." for that, he's been fined $100,000 dollars.

of course, because of the sensitivity of the word, tempers flared. some folks want kobe's head. how could you say such a thing? that's awful! so disrespectful!

others think that it's overboard. he was in an intense game, got a call that he didn't agree with, and said some choice words. were they the best? perhaps not. but that's what happens in the heat of the moment.

i won't address mr. bryant, who has since come out and said that he didn't mean it in the usual sense of the word. i don't know his intention. i don't know his heart. let's assume that he was angry and in the heat of the moment made a misstep. we've all done that. we just don't have the issue of being followed by cameras.

the issue i want to discuss is the issue of language, and how language is used to express cultural norms. the things that we say about each other and about ourselves serve to affirm the cultural norms and to make clear what it is not. the reason why people are upset about it isn't just because it's kobe. it's a bigger picture that i think people are missing. hopefully this post will shed some light.

particularly with african american males, even the christian ones, we are taught that masculinity is toughness. strength. power. might. and yes, sexual prowess with the women. there is a certain way to act and be. just listen to popular rap music. even CHRISTIAN rap, while it may not be sexually explicit, still is carried by the "hardness" of the emcee, the "in your face" nature of the delivery (and yes, the lyrics and the message count as well. i had to add that before some lecrae fans jumped me lol).

the reason why this sticks out to me is because i know what it feels like to be called a faggot...and punched in the face soon after. i know exactly how it feels to be called gay, then dragged to an empty tennis court and beat with a stick for several minutes. and yes, that actually happened. i know how it feels to be viewed a certain way, simply because of mannerisms or behaviors that i had, without anyone asking me directly. just snickers and laughs. looked at strangely for things that were not intentional and and not in my control. did i mention that a lot of these were christian folks, too? know how it feels to be called and all of those words that we use to describe things that we think are "less than a man."

but if those words haven't been used against you, that probably doesn't register. it doesn't carry any weight with you.

but, if you're a black man in america, you've probably seen eyes on the prize once or twice. you've had black history day at school. you've read about how our race was terrorized and brutalized. we were called "niggers."

it was meant to demean us. and they called us niggers while punching us in the face, and while beating us with sticks.

a large percentage of black men would have a big issue being called a nigger/nigga. but they are okay with calling someone else a faggot. or calling something unsatisfactory "gay."

i think there is a problem with that.

and let me be clear, this isn't about where people stand theologically about homosexuality. i think this applies on both sides of the fence, whether you affirm it or not. we all could stand to do better with how we address people.

what if it were you?

what if it was your brother or sister?

how would you feel if something that is a part of you (for better or for worse) was consistently thrown at you as a negative?

so, perhaps when you hear the word "faggot," it doesn't do anything to you. but it's not a bad thing or strange that it means something for countless other people. that word brings about feelings of hurt, pain, and inferiority that have been inflicted upon them.

does that mean that it's okay to jump all over kobe for saying that? maybe not. but if a white dude called a black ref a nigga?

#fatality

#gameover

am i right? well, never mind. i'm not writing this blog post to be agreed with. in this case, i know i'm right.

my purpose in presenting this post was just to put that other view out there. i hope i was successful.

What the Heck Do You Think About Hell?

when you think of hell, what do you imagine?

do you imagine this?

or this?

what about this?

there are a lot of ideas about hell, but the one most of us is familiar with is flames and burning exists and people being tortured forever. recently, people have been talking about hell a lot. this is because of a book called "love wins" by rob bell. i haven't read the book yet, but it caused a stir before its release because of the thought that bell was saying hell didn't exist and that god would save everybody. people started using the "u-word" against bell. you know...universalist. (the italics are a whisper because i don't want to type it too loud. people might think that about me!)


rob bell talks about this true beliefs here, but some still say that he hasn't really defined his thoughts. i haven't read the book, so i won't make comments. that's a lesson that EVERYONE should learn.

mind you, i still have a lot of reading to do on the subject. but from what i've read so far from prominent, conservative, christian scholars, our traditional ideas and images of hell may not be all flames and burning. a lot of the scriptures that we think are referring to something literal are actually imagery, you know, the weeping and gnashing of teeth stuff. the idea is to convey terror, not to actually describe the literal state. specifically imagery from the old testament, keep in mind that an ancient israelite didn't think of heaven and hell in the same way that you and i do. their faith was a "this life" kind of faith. if god was on your side, you blessed you with crops, cattle, and land IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING. if you were evil, you would be split in half. judgment took place on the stage of life. it wasn't until much later that our current ideas of the afterlife began to come into view for jews.

i do say that i believe hell exists. why? first of all, i say, "why not?" if heaven is there, why not hell? and perhaps hell isn't like a dungeon that god made up with grinning with an evil smile. perhaps hell is what will be left over when everything else is made right. i also believe in hell because i don't think god forces himself on anyone. if your whole entire life you say, "i don't want god" then in my view, god is violating you by forcing you into heaven. i think we have the right to choose. we choose by having a faith that prompts a particular lifestyle (which, in my opinion, is following Christ). i always go back to genesis and the idea that god placed two trees in the garden. that was all HIS decision. did god do that, knowing that adam and eve would sin and mess it all up? or did he do it to allow them to pick for themselves? i choose to think the latter.

my concern is how people argue about hell. like, as much as i do believe in hell...there isn't many more things in the world that i would like to be WRONG about! what's cool about eternal suffering? or ANY type of suffering for that matter? even with a toned down view of hell, why would you want folks to go there? that's like defending the long lines at motor vehicle or something. one thing i can honestly say i that i don't see how the bible uses hell as a "motivation" for folks to walk with god. is it discussed in the new testament, yes (not as much as we think though). but, in my view, using hell to convince someone to walk with Christ is a scare tactic. doesn't the scripture say, "perfect love casts out fear" in 1 John? and every relationship that i know that is based in fear is a dysfunctional one. fear creates slaves at best and rebellious folks at worst.

i don't think god is after slaves. i think god is after consensual, reciprocal love that prompts service and loyalty.

and i really don't understand why someone that believes in predestination would argue about hell because...it doesn't matter. whatever you get out of the sorting hat is what you get. the end. if you get the black card, you can't debate it! okay, perhaps the sorting hat joke was a little much. but to me, a strong, all encompassing predestination stance just makes everything pointless, the true definition of "vanity" and "chasing the wind."

what do you think about hell?