one thing that i've realized about seminary is that it doesn't really make you into something. it brings out more of what your authentic experience is. i've had professors that i've totally disagreed with, but thus far all have enriched me. i appreciate that.
in terms of my own experience, i believe that it's been totally brought to the forefront because of my seminary experience. i didn't grow up in church. the lesson that i remember learning about god was from my nanna. she taught me that god was my father and that made me a prince. god loved me, and if i prayed he would listen. i carried that with me for all these years.
i honestly never believed in anything but jesus. i didn't even understand all of what "salvation" meant, but i just knew that jesus was the right one. i don't know why. my nanna never had any extensive discussions about jesus with me, so i really wasn't preconditioned to stick to jesus. he (jesus) really wasn't in my mind at all when i prayed.
i can trace my first sincere experience with jesus back to is a day in the basement. i believe i was in tenth grade. it was easter time. jesus of nazereth was playing, and i watched the last part of it. watching the death scene got to me, not that it was graphic (it wasn't) but somehow i was just moved by what jesus did. for me? i thought. tears streamed down my face. that was probably the beginning.
still, i didn't understand what "salvation" was. the only inking i had for years was again from my nanna. she bought me a king james bible when i was about 12. she wrote in it with big letters "THIS IS THE ONLY BOOK THAT CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE IF YOU DO WHAT GOD SAYS." i knew that one day i would read this book more than any other. but in terms of "salvation" it didn't cross my mind.
my nanna only discussed church with me. "some to church, dell. you can meet some of the young men there." i didn't want to. she went to church on saturday, and i wasn't going to give up my cartoons. that, and something on the inside just made me feel like god didn't care about one day in particular. besides, i remembered the conversations that she had about people in church...they all seemed crazy! why would i want to go there? i'd have to dress up and sit there for four hours. god and i would have to find another way to meet. church wasn't an option at this point, and i'm glad. if i was forced to go, then i probably wouldn't be where i am right now.
so, for a few more years, god was the understand that i had. church was a waste of time at best. oh, and jesus had something to do with all of it. when college rolled around, then it was time to understand even more.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Productive
Today was such a busy day. Productive, but busy. Even though I'm "only" a full time grad student, I'm still suprised how action packed my days can get. This was probably the worst day for it to be action packed, mind you. I had a fever yesterday that prompted me to stay home. I woke up today feeling a lot better, but I decided to stay home again just to make sure.
I actually started making my list again. That really helped me be productive. If I have a list I can focus on what needs to happen instead of just drawing it out of my head. I have a great memory when it comes to details, events, and information. But random (see:non-interesting) information like times and dates can slip my mind if I'm not careful. I'm going to stick to the list thing.
I can say that I accomplished all 12 things on my list today! I probably did too much to be recovering from a cold, but life doesn't stop. In a weird way, that's a little bit of a victory for me. I like to push myself and see what I can accomplish when I put my mind to it.
I hope that tomorrow is just as productive...
I actually started making my list again. That really helped me be productive. If I have a list I can focus on what needs to happen instead of just drawing it out of my head. I have a great memory when it comes to details, events, and information. But random (see:non-interesting) information like times and dates can slip my mind if I'm not careful. I'm going to stick to the list thing.
I can say that I accomplished all 12 things on my list today! I probably did too much to be recovering from a cold, but life doesn't stop. In a weird way, that's a little bit of a victory for me. I like to push myself and see what I can accomplish when I put my mind to it.
I hope that tomorrow is just as productive...
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Some Thoughts and Tips on Seminary
it takes a special set of conditions to make it through seminary successfully.
it's not a cake walk. it's not bible study. it isn't bible college. it's just like any other academic discipline, requiring you to become a scholar and prefect the practical aspects of your field.
what's the problem with that, you ask? plenty. this isn't engineering or chemistry we're talking about. this is seminary, where you study the history, context, and application of the christian faith. see, seminary is the one place where your mind is stretched with the thing your heart is set on: god. all the curtains are pulled back. it's beyond learning doctrine. you learn where the doctrine came from, and with that knowledge you have the ability to do what so many christians don't: think.
when i say that being a christian in seminary offers you a chance to think, i'm not suggesting that all other christians that don't have a masters of divinity are stupid. you don't have to know the origins of the apostle's creed or the dueteronomistic canon to be a good christian. you don't even have to know the bible to be a good christian (i know that may throw you off, but think about it: they didn't have bibles for a long time. most folks couldn't even read! yet it's their experiences in Christ that set the bar for us. hmmm.). and quite honestly, knowledge without any type of action rooted in love puffs up (spiritual, academic, or otherwise).
no, the type of thinking that i'm talking about is the power to make personal decisions about the faith you hold dear. most times in church, even the best teachers teach doctrine. that's not a bad thing. however, if you merely teach someone doctrine they don't know where it came from. doctrine is usually an agreed upon consensus of what we believe the bible conveys. anyone can make up any type of theology...and pull it right from the bible. honestly, the bible says a BUNCH of stuff. it's not a textbook that was written to give specific skills. because of that, interpretations can run rampant...and they can make sense. it doesn't mean they are right, it just means that it's not as cut and dry as we would like to think.
this can cause folks to fall away. but what i learned is this: relationship is not taught at seminary. now, after reading all that you may think that seminary is a bad place. it's not! it's wonderful. however, it is a place of learning, and not everyone will stop and have praise and worship during the class. the objective nature of the information you learn can rock your subjective experience in christ.
but if you have a relationship...you'll be fine. if you walk with holy spirit, the spirit of christ, you'll be guided to the truth. and we got a good portion of it right. through all the information that i'm learning, there are some things that remarkably ring true:
it's not a cake walk. it's not bible study. it isn't bible college. it's just like any other academic discipline, requiring you to become a scholar and prefect the practical aspects of your field.
what's the problem with that, you ask? plenty. this isn't engineering or chemistry we're talking about. this is seminary, where you study the history, context, and application of the christian faith. see, seminary is the one place where your mind is stretched with the thing your heart is set on: god. all the curtains are pulled back. it's beyond learning doctrine. you learn where the doctrine came from, and with that knowledge you have the ability to do what so many christians don't: think.
when i say that being a christian in seminary offers you a chance to think, i'm not suggesting that all other christians that don't have a masters of divinity are stupid. you don't have to know the origins of the apostle's creed or the dueteronomistic canon to be a good christian. you don't even have to know the bible to be a good christian (i know that may throw you off, but think about it: they didn't have bibles for a long time. most folks couldn't even read! yet it's their experiences in Christ that set the bar for us. hmmm.). and quite honestly, knowledge without any type of action rooted in love puffs up (spiritual, academic, or otherwise).
no, the type of thinking that i'm talking about is the power to make personal decisions about the faith you hold dear. most times in church, even the best teachers teach doctrine. that's not a bad thing. however, if you merely teach someone doctrine they don't know where it came from. doctrine is usually an agreed upon consensus of what we believe the bible conveys. anyone can make up any type of theology...and pull it right from the bible. honestly, the bible says a BUNCH of stuff. it's not a textbook that was written to give specific skills. because of that, interpretations can run rampant...and they can make sense. it doesn't mean they are right, it just means that it's not as cut and dry as we would like to think.
this can cause folks to fall away. but what i learned is this: relationship is not taught at seminary. now, after reading all that you may think that seminary is a bad place. it's not! it's wonderful. however, it is a place of learning, and not everyone will stop and have praise and worship during the class. the objective nature of the information you learn can rock your subjective experience in christ.
but if you have a relationship...you'll be fine. if you walk with holy spirit, the spirit of christ, you'll be guided to the truth. and we got a good portion of it right. through all the information that i'm learning, there are some things that remarkably ring true:
- the main points are clear. in spite of all the unclear stuff, the basic stuff is very clear: jesus is that dude and you should believe him, god loves us, grace and mercy are indispensable. as much as we argue about the other stuff, there is a lot of information that's in black and white that we fail to even acknowledge.
- people tend to make convenient theology. the bible says things that none of are comfortable with if we were honest about it. however, a lot of times people blur the lines because they want to make their choice (i.e. sin) okay. the way the bible is structured gives that leeway. i wouldn't have made the bible like that, but i'm not god. i trust he knows what he's doing.
- people want to be on the winning side. we want to make theology and understand god in a way that empowers us. this awesome, but it can get carried away. without meaning to, the ideas that we can learn can make god a blank canvas that we can paint our own picture of righteousness on. or a heaven loom where we can weave whatever aspects of god that we like best into a garment to wear. remember, god empowers us to glorify who he is in us...not to reshape him in our own image.
- no one wants to lose: as much as we'd like to win, we equally hate the ideal of failing. in class we are asked to use gender inclusive language. that means we won't call god "he." we'll call jesus "he" because he was a physical man, but the holy spirit wont' be called "he." honestly, it makes sense, but you don't see anyone having a problem with satan being called "he" do you? people don't want to lose.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
favorite things
What are some of your favorite things?
the thought ocurred to me while i was watching a tennis match on youtube. it was an old match that only a tennis fanatic like me would care about. i honestly just enjoy watching the ball go back and forth. it's one of the most beautiful things in the world, i thought to myself.
that last thought made me stop and ponder a little deeper. i'm a 26 year old black male...and one of my greatest past times is watching a little ball go through the air?
YES. that, and a good comic book. a great laugh. an engaging board game. just a few of my favorite things.
through all of the stuff i've encountered in life, i still have this innocence about me. this child-like demeanor. trust, i'm far from sheltered, but the things i like are so simple. i'm not lusting...i'm not chasing...i'm learning to pursue that which genuinely captures my heart. it's still remarkable to me how many of the societal snares i've escaped. the sex, the alcohol, all the other things that left lasting effects on people's lives is not an issue for me. definitely had my issues and struggles, but i'm free in a lot of areas that others are not. honestly i don't want to attribute all that to god, b/c then i have to explain why he let so many other get into those things.
the things i like in life are genuinely because of who i am...not because of what people say i need to be. i'm becoming more and more comfortable with that.
i may not fit the image at times...but i beginning to like what i see more and more. really. i'm a pretty cool guy :-)
the thought ocurred to me while i was watching a tennis match on youtube. it was an old match that only a tennis fanatic like me would care about. i honestly just enjoy watching the ball go back and forth. it's one of the most beautiful things in the world, i thought to myself.
that last thought made me stop and ponder a little deeper. i'm a 26 year old black male...and one of my greatest past times is watching a little ball go through the air?
YES. that, and a good comic book. a great laugh. an engaging board game. just a few of my favorite things.
through all of the stuff i've encountered in life, i still have this innocence about me. this child-like demeanor. trust, i'm far from sheltered, but the things i like are so simple. i'm not lusting...i'm not chasing...i'm learning to pursue that which genuinely captures my heart. it's still remarkable to me how many of the societal snares i've escaped. the sex, the alcohol, all the other things that left lasting effects on people's lives is not an issue for me. definitely had my issues and struggles, but i'm free in a lot of areas that others are not. honestly i don't want to attribute all that to god, b/c then i have to explain why he let so many other get into those things.
the things i like in life are genuinely because of who i am...not because of what people say i need to be. i'm becoming more and more comfortable with that.
i may not fit the image at times...but i beginning to like what i see more and more. really. i'm a pretty cool guy :-)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
comfortable in sneakers
"do you realize that if you came to me and said that you were getting married, i would give you holy hell.?
"why?"
"because you are a very young man! you aren't a child...but you have a lot of life ahead of you! you are developing in every way. you're suppose to grow. you're suppose to change."
there's so much potential in my life.
i feel like i'm growing and expanding. at times it's overwhelming, because i don't exactly know what i'm becoming. at others it fills my heart with joy. through it all, i notice a burgeoning sense of confidence in myself. i'm becoming more comfortable with me.
oddly enough, one of the cool ways that i like to express myself is through clothes. especially sneakers. true, all we need is another young african american male obsessed with shoes, but it's really a good thing for me. i'm just learning to express myself in all the various ways that are available to me. learning how to be myself, in Christ. doing what Christ says, and after i've accomplished that...doing me.
"why?"
"because you are a very young man! you aren't a child...but you have a lot of life ahead of you! you are developing in every way. you're suppose to grow. you're suppose to change."
there's so much potential in my life.
i feel like i'm growing and expanding. at times it's overwhelming, because i don't exactly know what i'm becoming. at others it fills my heart with joy. through it all, i notice a burgeoning sense of confidence in myself. i'm becoming more comfortable with me.
oddly enough, one of the cool ways that i like to express myself is through clothes. especially sneakers. true, all we need is another young african american male obsessed with shoes, but it's really a good thing for me. i'm just learning to express myself in all the various ways that are available to me. learning how to be myself, in Christ. doing what Christ says, and after i've accomplished that...doing me.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
my seminary poem
So, I've been in seminary for almost a year now. Here is a poem that reflects my process thus far. Hope you like!
And yes, it's loaded with meaning.
the lines really aren't where we say they are
and the boundaries are really just the beginning
words with eternal implications become more
than bible study conversation
we have to think
ooops
countless streams of revelation, inspiration
hidden away
stifled by our concentration on being correct
or because grandma might object
no, not the elimination of right and wrong
but learning the truth about the truth
attuning the ears more accutely to the Lord's song
but then you get mad because you realize
the song they played before was simply lies
or that the melody you were told didn't matter
is more vital than the three part harmony
the purity of truth drowned out by high notes
and runs
people start confusing truth with noise
just because the noise is easier to handle
than the silence of reality
selah
then you realize again that the lies weren't intentional
just doctrine based on conventional wisdom
fervently taught but never pondered
the canon might be closed but brains are not
stir the pot you won't get shot
but you'll be politely asked to kick rocks
the gravity of your knowledge might just snatch all
our followers
(and our dollars)
this is what happens when the truth about the truth
is preached to the youth
they voice it, and if you won't help them, they find
their own booth and spit
drawing from their own holy writ
drinking the waters that are so available
this is where am what i've seen and what
i've heard
the word...i'm learning about the word that i never heard
but i always knew existed
And yes, it's loaded with meaning.
the lines really aren't where we say they are
and the boundaries are really just the beginning
words with eternal implications become more
than bible study conversation
we have to think
ooops
countless streams of revelation, inspiration
hidden away
stifled by our concentration on being correct
or because grandma might object
no, not the elimination of right and wrong
but learning the truth about the truth
attuning the ears more accutely to the Lord's song
but then you get mad because you realize
the song they played before was simply lies
or that the melody you were told didn't matter
is more vital than the three part harmony
the purity of truth drowned out by high notes
and runs
people start confusing truth with noise
just because the noise is easier to handle
than the silence of reality
selah
then you realize again that the lies weren't intentional
just doctrine based on conventional wisdom
fervently taught but never pondered
the canon might be closed but brains are not
stir the pot you won't get shot
but you'll be politely asked to kick rocks
the gravity of your knowledge might just snatch all
our followers
(and our dollars)
this is what happens when the truth about the truth
is preached to the youth
they voice it, and if you won't help them, they find
their own booth and spit
drawing from their own holy writ
drinking the waters that are so available
this is where am what i've seen and what
i've heard
the word...i'm learning about the word that i never heard
but i always knew existed
where i DON'T want to be
there is one place my soul takes displeasure in, two places that my soul hates
1. my part time job
now, i know that it's a blessing to have a job. however, i sincerely do not like working for these two old people. i pray that when i become old that i'm not annoying/evil. i'm trying to adjust to make it better, but as SOON as i get my money from school i'm dropping this job like a hot potato. for real.
what annoys me about the job? EVERYTHING. the best part about the job is the cookies that i get from subway across the street...and they don't even make those anymore so there goes my inspiration.
2. church
i don't really hate it...i could just never go for months at a time and be fine with it. and it's not every church...but just the one i'm at now. i've been feeling this way for months. it's not that anything's wrong with the church. the people are great. the teaching is good. i enjoy singing on the praise team. i think it's me, honestly. i'm incredibly bored there. i'm ready to leave as soon as i arrive.
i really think i'm the "problem," if there is indeed a problem. seminary and the like are beginning to shape me. i actually enjoy school in ways that i didn't last semester. one theory that i have is that what i get in school in terms of "spiritual food" may be so shazam wham pow that my current assembly just seems kinda "eh." that's not the church's fault though.
also, i realize that i'm a pretty busy dude. i'm in school, and i'm busy with anq stuff. at times i feel a lack of connection and that could be why. can stop school. anq will be less in the picture in a year, but i have my commitments that i want to see fulfilled. again, that's not the church's fault.
it's just me. and even as i sit here and type this i'm even more convinced that i really might need to make a change.
1. my part time job
now, i know that it's a blessing to have a job. however, i sincerely do not like working for these two old people. i pray that when i become old that i'm not annoying/evil. i'm trying to adjust to make it better, but as SOON as i get my money from school i'm dropping this job like a hot potato. for real.
what annoys me about the job? EVERYTHING. the best part about the job is the cookies that i get from subway across the street...and they don't even make those anymore so there goes my inspiration.
2. church
i don't really hate it...i could just never go for months at a time and be fine with it. and it's not every church...but just the one i'm at now. i've been feeling this way for months. it's not that anything's wrong with the church. the people are great. the teaching is good. i enjoy singing on the praise team. i think it's me, honestly. i'm incredibly bored there. i'm ready to leave as soon as i arrive.
i really think i'm the "problem," if there is indeed a problem. seminary and the like are beginning to shape me. i actually enjoy school in ways that i didn't last semester. one theory that i have is that what i get in school in terms of "spiritual food" may be so shazam wham pow that my current assembly just seems kinda "eh." that's not the church's fault though.
also, i realize that i'm a pretty busy dude. i'm in school, and i'm busy with anq stuff. at times i feel a lack of connection and that could be why. can stop school. anq will be less in the picture in a year, but i have my commitments that i want to see fulfilled. again, that's not the church's fault.
it's just me. and even as i sit here and type this i'm even more convinced that i really might need to make a change.
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