transformation

i feel like i'm in this really awesome place in my walk with god. i can actually feel the lord adjusting me in particular areas.  i think this is what walking in grace feels like.  i can honestly say that i'm being transformed by god and it feels wonderful.  i'm looking a little more like jesus...and that's quite alright with me :-)

i think that reading this book, "the spirit of the disciplines" by dallas willard, helped a lot.  the one thing it brought home for me was this:  in order to live the life that jesus lived, you need to do what he did.  spiritual life involves ourselves and our BODIES.  what we do with it matters.  it's our bodies that we use to operate with in the world, so if spiritual life bypasses your body, you really aren't getting all that you can.

i don't know why, but understanding that has done wonders for me.  i think that when we think of our bodies we think of evil, perversion, and sin.  of course, without the help of god that's what we will ultimately do.  however, our bodies are the location and center of our life.  jesus wants to use our bodies, do that special work in us, so that the resulting behaviors will actually BE US.  it won't be a fake version of holiness, but a desire that is birthed by the grace of god that will ultimately cause YOU to live right.

i think sometimes we equate suppression with transformation. i believe that one can be transformed, which will cause you to suppress some things.  but, just suppressing sin without leading to heart change isn't the full picture.

i'm going to look up some scriptures soon to get some scriptural basis.  this is one of the rare times when my experience has come ahead of me having a text to come from!

Music

something that a lot of people may not know about me is that i like music.  particularly, i like singing.  i grew up in a household where music was normal.  my dad has tons of records.  every so often, he would turn the tv off and play his old records in the house.  that's how i learned about cameo and the song flashlight.

a large amount of people on both sides of my family either played an instrument or sang...and in a lot of cases both.  i remember when my cousins and i were all together in virginia one year.  we had to have a sing-off.  the rational was this:  if you were gladys dorsey's grandchild...you HAD to be able to at least harmonize.  if you couldn't harmonize, you were clearly adopted.  our mothers would all be in the kitchen and suddenly break out into a song as if they practiced.

here's some of the breakdown of the music talent/experience in my family:

mom: sings and clarinet

dad: drums

elia: flute

me: drums, choir, praise teams

nanna: played piano, and organ, and sang

aunt karen: sings

aunt carolyn: sings

derrick: trombone, sings

daniel:  keyboard, guitar

mind you, me, my mom, and my sister have ALL won the same band award.  hilarious.  that only happens in asbury park.

anyway, i like music.  music is one of the ways i connect to god.  when i was struggling with being interested in church, singing on the praise team was the only thing that kept me going.  i actually felt more spiritually edified from praise team practice than sunday service.  i think that's because singing for me involves my whole self connecting with god, and a message that doesn't really engage me during a service makes me go sleep.

with this said, don't expect me to appear somewhere with a record (lol).  i can carry a note pretty well....but verdell's solo gospel tour is NOT in the works.  but i enjoy singing to god and it helps me experience him on a daily basis.

how do you experience god?

Jewels and Jems

just felt led to share a god encounter that i had today.  i don't do this to seem super deep, but to hopefully encourage a deeper relationship with jesus!

i was praying with my eyes closed after reading my bible.  after meditating for a few minutes, i started to see something that looked like flashing lights (my eyes were still closed).  then, i could tell that the flashing light came from light bouncing off something else.  i realized that it was gold.  then i saw jems and types of precious stones.

then i heard god speak. "this is treasure," he said.  "and this is inside of you.  remember that."

MADE MY NIGHT! i just love jesus!  and he loves you too! #thatisall

christians and race pt.1

over the past few days, i've had a few conversations about christianity and race.  i think it's an interesting topic.  the conversation has inspired me, and at times exposed where we as people have healing that needs to take place.

i'll just start by saying this:  i believe that god loves ALL people...all colors, all races, all ethinic groups, etc.  i believe that jesus died to open the way for ALL people to be reconciled to god.  with that being said, i believe that god is glorified through all the cultural distinctives that are expressed through the various groups of people throughout the world.  africans worship differently from chinese...and that's fine.  the direction of the worship is more important that source.

i have a scholarly approach to my opinion as well.  this semester i had to write an exegetical paper on colossians 2:11-22.  to sum up a long story, the author of this book (yeah, a majority of scholars don't think it was paul #sorry) believed that christ's death took away the division that separated jews and gentiles.  These two distinct people groups, that were separated by the requirements of the law, were now (in Christ), merged together to create a new people group.  this new "race" so to speak all have a common father...GOD...who is also the Emperor of the Universe.  in the context of their unity they experience fellowship with their father.

i have trouble accepting a christian theology that excludes others, especially since most of the people that have that train of thought would be of the excluded group before christ (gentiles).  i'm all for maintaining and celebrating ethnicity, but not to the exclusion of others.  jesus paid the price for EVERY one to sit at the table.  i am very much an african american male....the ancestor of slaves and abused native americans...and my people consistently suffer today because of racial and systematic injustice.  i believe that god can and will deal with these situations, and i will be a part of it. 

i won't allow human error in the area of race to dictate my worship.  i won't turn my race into an idol to compensate for the fact that others hated it and still seek to oppress it.  my simple and childlike (and perhaps childish, but i'll let you decide) idea is this:  god is the father of lights...and light includes all the colors that we argue over so much.  so why worship one color when god is the sum of them all? 

i think i'll blog about this over the course of the week.  there are some more points i want to hit.

The Realization of the Cool Christian Clique

i stand at the door and knock
lookin at my watch
waitin for the time that i'll be part of the cool christian clique
to come up

i'm in the cool christ crowd now
everybody's gonna love me now
i'm not gonna ever feel down now
i got too many loved ones around
.....

that's the story they told me
the story they sold me
i bought it cuz i was desperate
too desperate to see the reality
that God himself was pointing to
that sometimes its just gonna keep raining
i know that april showers bring may flowers
but right now my basement's effed up

i thought that justice would flow like rivers
but i see instead that it's stopped up
clogged with the sewage of our hearts
we don't even want to start clearing it out

wanna be in the christian in-crowd
but i realized while standing in the rain
that they are really just loud
their service is a serve-us
god is a bellhop
only worthy enough to bring me my stuff
then i'll tip him with a praise on sunday morning

christianity is cool to them
fills their weekends with fun activities
all the while they are ignoring their proclivities
to sin

and naw, iont mean the easy stuff.
the sex, the lying, drunks
(even though they do that too)
i mean the biting behind the back they do
the snobbiness cuz you don't look like their crew
classism, sexism, chauvinism...all that too
treating sinners in ways that christ would never do
did christ do that to you?

they think they're better b/c they aren't poor or gay
pride has gotten in their way
especially when stuff about them is obvious

so instead of knocking on your door
i turn around
bump you clowns!
i spit in the face of your pseudo-christian norms
it's only to christ's way that i'll conform

but then instead of turning away
Christ leads me to pray
can't cast anyone away

i guess the rain was god's way of washing my eyes

clear eyes realize why the lives of those around us

are the way they are

christ didn't have a cool christian clique either

Just like you...But living like Him

all of the parts of me
the parts you don't see
or, should i say, the parts you ignore

i'm a lot like you in so many ways
don't mistake my spirituality for a lack of humanity
in reality being in touch with Him make me more me

i feel, i long, i yearn, i crave
the thrill of success
the rush of a challenge
the tenderness of a kiss
the warmth of an embrace

memories of times and events
issues now stemming from situations past since
hungers from deep inside
not bad, but they can definitely pull a brother aside

all are things that have passed through my life
leaving a residue on my psyche
you would think that it would be plain to the eye to see
yet you refuse to see
that i'm just an ordinary person...

...except i DO know which way to go
straight to God, i don't want to simply
want to be ruled by my passions
but i want my life to an example of what
His passion can produce

a man standing strong in truth
utterly human yet exuding the divine
look into my eyes and see His heart
intertwined with my Father
my life groovin' to heaven's rhymes

but i'm really just like you
and i'm doing what you can do
i'm human just like you
but i'm being a human just like Him

hitting the wall

it appears that my legendary temper has made an appearance.

not many folks know, but i use to have a bit of an angry issue.  my blood could boil RED HOT...it took me a while, but if pushed too far i could be a bit of a problem.  as i got older i learned to deal with my emotions better.  i'm still learning.  i have some intense emotions, which is something else that i'm not sure is obvious about me or not.

anyways, i played my first match of the season.  in a tremendous amount of wind.  i HATE playing in the wind.  however, i don't use it as an excuse, because it's windy for both people.  i lost the match, which made me a little annoyed.  i always get annoyed when i lose.  but that isn't what caused me to get mad.

i came home...and instantly i just got mad. mad at the situation.  mad at the conditions. mad that i felt trapped. i just became so enraged that i balled up my fist and....

boom

hit the wall.

thankfully, i reigned myself in just enough to not put a hole through the wall.  i very easily could have, since i used to hit solid objects for hours (see: martial arts).  but i still hit it hard enough to get a response. i even jumped back.  it was like hitting the wall made me realize what was going on.  maybe me hitting the wall physically opened up a door for me to see what was going on inside of me.  i'm unhappy.  i don't really like my situation at the moment.  it bothers me.

and before anyone starts, you can miss me ((c) darius c.) with the "just be thankful" sermon.  i know that.  i am thankful.  it's been much worse than this.  but one thing i've learned is that god isn't afraid of our emotions.  he already knows how we feel.  we just feel like we have to hurry up and pretend to feel the most holy emotion so that god won't think we're ungrateful, or prideful, or whatever emotion that isn't concerned godly.

truth is, he already knew before you did. god knew you were prideful, that you had a roaming eye, that you have a foul mouth.  and you're still alive.  you still were brought to where you were standing by god almighty.  he brought you along for the ride...knowing you had issues!  maybe god's not pleased with your issues, but maybe he's not in such a rush for you to get over it.

maybe god gives us more time than we think to deal with ourselves and our emotions.

god didn't rush jesus out of the garden of gethsemane.  think about that.



okay, mini sermon over.  i'm just gonna deal with my stuff and move forward.