a new perspective on being alone

so i realized today that i need to prepare myself to do more things alone.  it smacked in me in the face when i prepared to go church searching this morning.  while it was true that my exhaustion from finals left little energy to do anything, it was equally true that i didn't want to go because i would be by myself.  i would be going to these places without anyone else with me. walking through the doors...alone.  being the one person that no one knows. it would be a solo dell adventure.

that was enough to persuade me to get back under the covers.  i just didn't want to face that.  no thanks. 

i thought about it someone and i realized that alone has been par for the course since i moved to the dmv.  there have been people that have been indispensable to me, people that i would not have made without their help.  still, there is a significant part of the growth process that is done alone.  i had to conquer some major demons, and the definitive moments, the moments that represented the beginning of the breakthough, occured with me...alone.  my friends have brought me the sword, but i had to slay the dragon,. if that makes any sense. 

this may sound more depressing than it seems.  it's really just a part of life.  i believe that god allows us those alone times so we become better acquainted with recognizing his presence in our lives. there may not be an abundance of people around that know what you're going through.  it may not be anyone around that understands.  but oddly enough when there is no one else around the extra noise is gone, and all we are left with is truth.  if i can get to the root of some things with some quiet being the price to pay i'm all for it.  show me jesus!

being alone and being lonely are two different things.  i'm not really lonely.  jesus is with me.  however, i'm not like some others that equate the presence of christ with the presence of another tangible human being.  even god saw that it was better to have another person with adam, so i won't try to be more spiritual than god was on the subject.  am i alone? in some ways, yes.  sometimes that alone feeling creeps up on me a little more than i'd like, but it's not lonliness TRUST ME i know what that feels like.  its just the chance for me to get to know me a little better.

i'll take it.  see what comes out of it.  and then we'll go on from there.  alone isn't really that bad.  as long as your alone with jesus :-)