Freedom...

This weekend was a good one. I got to spend a decent amount of time with my frat and sorors. And it was some of the All-Stars, too, like Christina Cobb, Firenza, Shaduuuri (sorry, had to do it), Eric, and the like. Angel came through too (even though she slept most of the time). Good stuff, man!

While we had fun laughing and eating, as usual, this was one of those times that I got to witness just how special these people are. My wonderful sister, C.Cobb, definitely was flowing with Holy Spirit when she was speaking truth for real. Even though it was specifically for one person, it really impacted all of us. Eric said that moments like that help us to appreciate people for who they are. So often, because we are super funny, entertaining, and creative people we become common to each other and forget that we are anointed. Never before have I been surrounded by such raw talent.

The conversation continued, and suddenly I found myself talking. I was talking about all the success that I had in school with academics and winning awards. The Spirit of Revelation was clearly still in the room, and it was one of those instances where the word you need comes out of your own mouth (a la Peter's revelation that Jesus was the Christ). I sat on Eric's radiator and said...

"I've realized that at some point I placed more value in what I can do than with who I am."

I think the whole room fell out right there. It's been an underlying issue for years with me. I can do a lot. I really feel like I can do anything. I really think that I'm extremely capable. However, my perception of myself can be very low at times. It's a two-edged sword. When I succeed in my given tasks, I'm on a high because I value being able to "do," but when I fail I'm felt out in the cold because I don't have any victories to hang on my neck. All I can do is just "be."

Back at home, we had something called the award wall. Everyone in my family is an achiever. My mom kills at school. Played in the band, sang. Community leader and such. My dad, the same. One time commander-in-chief of The Post (If you're from Asbury Park you know exactly what that is). My sister won every academic award available. Me, always on the honor roll. Martial arts champion (I'm out of practice so don't attack me). Successful at tennis. Valedictorian of my high school class. I've done a lot. But what about when I don't do anything? Who am I then?

It blew my mind. I always knew that it was true, but I was weird to hear myself say it. Very weird. But after I said it, I found myself wanted to experience freedom. Release from all the situations that caused this type of bondage. I just want to be free. Run wild. Be unapologetically me.

How would that look? What happens when I'm not Dean/Co-Dean/President/Minister whoever? I would really like to know.

All I know for sure right now is this:

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1