Singleness Isn't a Curse...DO SOMETHING!

it seems like the ladies get all the singleness pep talks all the time, but dudes have trouble with being single too. it's true, because i was (and sometimes am) one of them.

we don't realize it, but a lot of times romantic relationships (boy/girlfriend, marriage) get a lot of shine in church circles. it's like the heavenly icing on the jesus cake. i mean, we're all christian...but if you're a REALLY good christian the good Lord will give you...a person! fresh off the presses, too! because clearly all they were doing is waiting to be given to you :-/ okay that perhaps a little much...but i'm usually a little much with topics like this so that's fine.

that makes it even worse when you throw in the whole "soul mate" business. i'm so thankful for keith battle teaching that message about it. i'm not saying that god can't pick someone for you to marry, i'm sure he does for SOME. but if we're a biblically based people...it's just not in there. you can't make that a blanket requirement if the bible is SILENT on it in my opinion.

but anyway, back to the main point. i've learned that singleness becomes a "burden" for me when i feel a lack of direction. when i actually know what the crap i'm doing, it doesn't bother me at all. this is what leads me to believe this: do you. your singleness is not a curse. it's actually a GIFT! sometimes i gag when i hear about my friends and all the stuff they do to cater to their relationships. i realize that those things are necessary to maintain a quality relationship. it's not that i don't want to do those things for the right person, but until i meet the right person the late night phone calls, the  appointments (dates), and the MONEY i'll spend would be pointless. i'd rather be by myself until i meet the person i want to chose to be with.

in the meantime...LIVE! you can do so many things that people that are attached at the hip can't do. my days are all MINE!!!! i do what i want, when i want, for how long i want. when i'm ready to roll...i roll. i have the freedom to be focused on myself, my goals...and most importantly GOD'S PURPOSE FOR MY LIFE. i don't think my singleness is a holding pattern until i meet someone. i think it's a perfect chance to work on myself, and learn about me.

"mami i'm good all by myself, but baby you, you make me better."<-----that's what i want to say.

redirection

my back is sore again.

it's no where near what it was before. but i think somewhere along the way i did a tweaked it a little.

i had to do the smart thing and cut out the insanity for a bit. it was a tough pill to swallow because i had every intention of finishing month 2. however, i think the program makes my back do a little bit too much.

interesting enough, tennis or jogging doesn't hurt my back. i can take the bending and serving that comes with it with no pain at all, but moving my 212 pound frame on my hands and knees isn't the best thing at the moment. insanity requires some intense movements that i just can't swing at the moment.

perhaps this is a good thing. my tennis form has been a little off in my opinion. i've faded in matches. i haven't been able to push when it counted. perhaps i can turn this situation around and practice so i can do well this season.

what i want from a potential mate

this past sunday i relaxed with some friends.

note:  i also hurt my back in the oddest of ways, but that's a story for another day

anyways, we were talking about relationships.  it led me to realize that i desire to get married. i honestly want to share my life with someone.  house, kids, an intimate connection w/ that one person. yep.  i want it. however, i also realized that i don't want it at the expense of my dreams and aspirations.  i want to do something with my life.  i want to achieve my goals.

for me, a marriage isn't a destination. would it be a large portion?  OF COURSE. but it wouldn't define who i am as a person.

i don't want another person to become absorbed with me.  and i don't want to become absorbed with another person.  i understand that in order for a relationship like marriage to work there has to be some sort of "need" there, but i wanted to be "wanted" more than i'm needed.  i want someone to be such an enhancement to my life that i forget what it was like before she arrived.  not that she was "needed" before, but her addition is just that bomb!

i guess it's kind of like a game genie!  does anyone else remember that?  you attached it to the games and put in all types of codes to help get you through the games.  it would enable you to use certain abilities that you either didn't naturally have in the game or that would've taken you a long time to get on your own.  you could play the games just fine without it, but having access to all the hidden powers made it that much more fun.

i want someone that is like that for me, and i want to be that for someone else.

transformation

i feel like i'm in this really awesome place in my walk with god. i can actually feel the lord adjusting me in particular areas.  i think this is what walking in grace feels like.  i can honestly say that i'm being transformed by god and it feels wonderful.  i'm looking a little more like jesus...and that's quite alright with me :-)

i think that reading this book, "the spirit of the disciplines" by dallas willard, helped a lot.  the one thing it brought home for me was this:  in order to live the life that jesus lived, you need to do what he did.  spiritual life involves ourselves and our BODIES.  what we do with it matters.  it's our bodies that we use to operate with in the world, so if spiritual life bypasses your body, you really aren't getting all that you can.

i don't know why, but understanding that has done wonders for me.  i think that when we think of our bodies we think of evil, perversion, and sin.  of course, without the help of god that's what we will ultimately do.  however, our bodies are the location and center of our life.  jesus wants to use our bodies, do that special work in us, so that the resulting behaviors will actually BE US.  it won't be a fake version of holiness, but a desire that is birthed by the grace of god that will ultimately cause YOU to live right.

i think sometimes we equate suppression with transformation. i believe that one can be transformed, which will cause you to suppress some things.  but, just suppressing sin without leading to heart change isn't the full picture.

i'm going to look up some scriptures soon to get some scriptural basis.  this is one of the rare times when my experience has come ahead of me having a text to come from!

Music

something that a lot of people may not know about me is that i like music.  particularly, i like singing.  i grew up in a household where music was normal.  my dad has tons of records.  every so often, he would turn the tv off and play his old records in the house.  that's how i learned about cameo and the song flashlight.

a large amount of people on both sides of my family either played an instrument or sang...and in a lot of cases both.  i remember when my cousins and i were all together in virginia one year.  we had to have a sing-off.  the rational was this:  if you were gladys dorsey's grandchild...you HAD to be able to at least harmonize.  if you couldn't harmonize, you were clearly adopted.  our mothers would all be in the kitchen and suddenly break out into a song as if they practiced.

here's some of the breakdown of the music talent/experience in my family:

mom: sings and clarinet

dad: drums

elia: flute

me: drums, choir, praise teams

nanna: played piano, and organ, and sang

aunt karen: sings

aunt carolyn: sings

derrick: trombone, sings

daniel:  keyboard, guitar

mind you, me, my mom, and my sister have ALL won the same band award.  hilarious.  that only happens in asbury park.

anyway, i like music.  music is one of the ways i connect to god.  when i was struggling with being interested in church, singing on the praise team was the only thing that kept me going.  i actually felt more spiritually edified from praise team practice than sunday service.  i think that's because singing for me involves my whole self connecting with god, and a message that doesn't really engage me during a service makes me go sleep.

with this said, don't expect me to appear somewhere with a record (lol).  i can carry a note pretty well....but verdell's solo gospel tour is NOT in the works.  but i enjoy singing to god and it helps me experience him on a daily basis.

how do you experience god?

Jewels and Jems

just felt led to share a god encounter that i had today.  i don't do this to seem super deep, but to hopefully encourage a deeper relationship with jesus!

i was praying with my eyes closed after reading my bible.  after meditating for a few minutes, i started to see something that looked like flashing lights (my eyes were still closed).  then, i could tell that the flashing light came from light bouncing off something else.  i realized that it was gold.  then i saw jems and types of precious stones.

then i heard god speak. "this is treasure," he said.  "and this is inside of you.  remember that."

MADE MY NIGHT! i just love jesus!  and he loves you too! #thatisall

christians and race pt.1

over the past few days, i've had a few conversations about christianity and race.  i think it's an interesting topic.  the conversation has inspired me, and at times exposed where we as people have healing that needs to take place.

i'll just start by saying this:  i believe that god loves ALL people...all colors, all races, all ethinic groups, etc.  i believe that jesus died to open the way for ALL people to be reconciled to god.  with that being said, i believe that god is glorified through all the cultural distinctives that are expressed through the various groups of people throughout the world.  africans worship differently from chinese...and that's fine.  the direction of the worship is more important that source.

i have a scholarly approach to my opinion as well.  this semester i had to write an exegetical paper on colossians 2:11-22.  to sum up a long story, the author of this book (yeah, a majority of scholars don't think it was paul #sorry) believed that christ's death took away the division that separated jews and gentiles.  These two distinct people groups, that were separated by the requirements of the law, were now (in Christ), merged together to create a new people group.  this new "race" so to speak all have a common father...GOD...who is also the Emperor of the Universe.  in the context of their unity they experience fellowship with their father.

i have trouble accepting a christian theology that excludes others, especially since most of the people that have that train of thought would be of the excluded group before christ (gentiles).  i'm all for maintaining and celebrating ethnicity, but not to the exclusion of others.  jesus paid the price for EVERY one to sit at the table.  i am very much an african american male....the ancestor of slaves and abused native americans...and my people consistently suffer today because of racial and systematic injustice.  i believe that god can and will deal with these situations, and i will be a part of it. 

i won't allow human error in the area of race to dictate my worship.  i won't turn my race into an idol to compensate for the fact that others hated it and still seek to oppress it.  my simple and childlike (and perhaps childish, but i'll let you decide) idea is this:  god is the father of lights...and light includes all the colors that we argue over so much.  so why worship one color when god is the sum of them all? 

i think i'll blog about this over the course of the week.  there are some more points i want to hit.