it appears that my legendary temper has made an appearance.
not many folks know, but i use to have a bit of an angry issue. my blood could boil RED HOT...it took me a while, but if pushed too far i could be a bit of a problem. as i got older i learned to deal with my emotions better. i'm still learning. i have some intense emotions, which is something else that i'm not sure is obvious about me or not.
anyways, i played my first match of the season. in a tremendous amount of wind. i HATE playing in the wind. however, i don't use it as an excuse, because it's windy for both people. i lost the match, which made me a little annoyed. i always get annoyed when i lose. but that isn't what caused me to get mad.
i came home...and instantly i just got mad. mad at the situation. mad at the conditions. mad that i felt trapped. i just became so enraged that i balled up my fist and....
boom
hit the wall.
thankfully, i reigned myself in just enough to not put a hole through the wall. i very easily could have, since i used to hit solid objects for hours (see: martial arts). but i still hit it hard enough to get a response. i even jumped back. it was like hitting the wall made me realize what was going on. maybe me hitting the wall physically opened up a door for me to see what was going on inside of me. i'm unhappy. i don't really like my situation at the moment. it bothers me.
and before anyone starts, you can miss me ((c) darius c.) with the "just be thankful" sermon. i know that. i am thankful. it's been much worse than this. but one thing i've learned is that god isn't afraid of our emotions. he already knows how we feel. we just feel like we have to hurry up and pretend to feel the most holy emotion so that god won't think we're ungrateful, or prideful, or whatever emotion that isn't concerned godly.
truth is, he already knew before you did. god knew you were prideful, that you had a roaming eye, that you have a foul mouth. and you're still alive. you still were brought to where you were standing by god almighty. he brought you along for the ride...knowing you had issues! maybe god's not pleased with your issues, but maybe he's not in such a rush for you to get over it.
maybe god gives us more time than we think to deal with ourselves and our emotions.
god didn't rush jesus out of the garden of gethsemane. think about that.
okay, mini sermon over. i'm just gonna deal with my stuff and move forward.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
lost in translation....jehovah
today, we learned about the name jehovah in class. it was enlightening to say the least. i already knew that the word "jehovah" wasn't really a correct term...but with what i learned today it just blows it out of the water.
okay..lesson time! mind you, this is real watered down so that folks can understand, so if you knew this already don't yell at me! back in the day ancient israelites didn't say the name of god. it was seen as sacred. however, written down it would look like YHWH (we would say Yahweh...but they would NEVER say it). the big name for this is the tetragrammaton. so, instead of saying the sacred name of god, they instead would say adonai, or lord. this is why the word LORD is written in small all caps in your bibles in the old testament.
the thing is, if someone is reading the scripture, someone might read that sacred name of god out loud by accident instead of saying adonai. so, the jews devised a system where they took the vowels from the word adonai and put them around the tetragrammaton so that the reader would realize "AH HA! i'm suppose to say ADONAI and not the super sacred name of god!" (now, the whole vowel thing might not make sense to you if you don't understand hebrew, but i'll have an example later on to demonstrate)
however....when christians came on the scene that didn't understand that, they tried to translate the word YHWH with the extra vowels placed in it. and what did they get when they did that? JEHOVAH. the word that the israelites used wasn't a word that was meant to be said, so they would've never said it. not only would they have never said the tetragrammaton, the point of the special code was alert the reader to the fact that "hey, you see this word? don't say it. say this OTHER word instead." sounding out the "code word" was never the point, so a jew would've never said "jehovah."
so, here's a example. let's say that the word "run" is a special word to us. it's sacred. no one says it. so, instead we decide that we're going to use the word "jog" in its place. to make sure that no one says the word, we make up a special code that goes like this: we put the "o" of the word "jog" after the "n" in "run." it'll look like this: "runo." when you see that, you'll remember that you have to say jog instead of run. we all get it. everything's great.
then someone comes along and tries to translate our code. but they don't understand it. they just see the word "runo." so, they figure that the word "runo" is our special word, because they never understood that "runo" was never meant to be a word by itself...but a way for a reader to understand that they need to say something else because our sacred word "run."
i hope that all made sense.
does that mean we should stop saying the word jehovah? eh, i wouldn't go that far. god knows we're talking about him. but if anyone knows me, i like to be as precise as possible if something is important to me. you more than likely won't hear it from me again unless its in a song that i have to sing.
i just think that learning stuff like this is cool because i like learning about my faith and where it came from. we really should know more than we do.
okay..lesson time! mind you, this is real watered down so that folks can understand, so if you knew this already don't yell at me! back in the day ancient israelites didn't say the name of god. it was seen as sacred. however, written down it would look like YHWH (we would say Yahweh...but they would NEVER say it). the big name for this is the tetragrammaton. so, instead of saying the sacred name of god, they instead would say adonai, or lord. this is why the word LORD is written in small all caps in your bibles in the old testament.
the thing is, if someone is reading the scripture, someone might read that sacred name of god out loud by accident instead of saying adonai. so, the jews devised a system where they took the vowels from the word adonai and put them around the tetragrammaton so that the reader would realize "AH HA! i'm suppose to say ADONAI and not the super sacred name of god!" (now, the whole vowel thing might not make sense to you if you don't understand hebrew, but i'll have an example later on to demonstrate)
however....when christians came on the scene that didn't understand that, they tried to translate the word YHWH with the extra vowels placed in it. and what did they get when they did that? JEHOVAH. the word that the israelites used wasn't a word that was meant to be said, so they would've never said it. not only would they have never said the tetragrammaton, the point of the special code was alert the reader to the fact that "hey, you see this word? don't say it. say this OTHER word instead." sounding out the "code word" was never the point, so a jew would've never said "jehovah."
so, here's a example. let's say that the word "run" is a special word to us. it's sacred. no one says it. so, instead we decide that we're going to use the word "jog" in its place. to make sure that no one says the word, we make up a special code that goes like this: we put the "o" of the word "jog" after the "n" in "run." it'll look like this: "runo." when you see that, you'll remember that you have to say jog instead of run. we all get it. everything's great.
then someone comes along and tries to translate our code. but they don't understand it. they just see the word "runo." so, they figure that the word "runo" is our special word, because they never understood that "runo" was never meant to be a word by itself...but a way for a reader to understand that they need to say something else because our sacred word "run."
i hope that all made sense.
does that mean we should stop saying the word jehovah? eh, i wouldn't go that far. god knows we're talking about him. but if anyone knows me, i like to be as precise as possible if something is important to me. you more than likely won't hear it from me again unless its in a song that i have to sing.
i just think that learning stuff like this is cool because i like learning about my faith and where it came from. we really should know more than we do.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
no...an important word.
i'm finding it easier to say no.
i think it's out of necessity. as what i want for my life becomes more clear, i find that i just have to say no to some things. i have to say no to expectations that i can't meet. no to opinions that don't matter. i even find that i have to say no to myself sometimes.
no is an important word when you are navigating your path in life. it's a challenging word. we don't like it when someone says it to us, or when we have to say it to someone else. however, no is the thing that clears the way for the yes.
no is the gatekeeper...it protects from costly investments that will pull you off course and make you ill prepared for the future.
if you want to progress in particular areas of you life, learn to say no.
i think it's out of necessity. as what i want for my life becomes more clear, i find that i just have to say no to some things. i have to say no to expectations that i can't meet. no to opinions that don't matter. i even find that i have to say no to myself sometimes.
no is an important word when you are navigating your path in life. it's a challenging word. we don't like it when someone says it to us, or when we have to say it to someone else. however, no is the thing that clears the way for the yes.
no is the gatekeeper...it protects from costly investments that will pull you off course and make you ill prepared for the future.
if you want to progress in particular areas of you life, learn to say no.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
I agree with Gandhi
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.~Mahatma Gandhi
i totally understand where he was coming from. i hope my life is different.
i hope my christianity isn't just a self-serving placebo that will hold me over til i die. i want my christianity to matter...
people responded to jesus because he mattered. his life pointed towards something bigger than himself...what God was doing in the earth and what god was willing to do in an individual's life.
what does your life point to?
i totally understand where he was coming from. i hope my life is different.
i hope my christianity isn't just a self-serving placebo that will hold me over til i die. i want my christianity to matter...
people responded to jesus because he mattered. his life pointed towards something bigger than himself...what God was doing in the earth and what god was willing to do in an individual's life.
what does your life point to?
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
the seminary simmer
angry seminary students. i see it all the time. i call it the seminary simmer.
angry at the church. angry at their father that was always at the church house but never at home. angry because they've suffered "church hurts" from people in the pews. angry because they learned something in school that they never heard and church, and now they feel lied to.
these are all legitimate reasons. but i thought that i was exempt from the seminary simmer. i didn't grow up in church, so i didn't have tons of indoctrination to overcome. i didn't have the preacher's kid syndrome. i have been treated badly by the saints of the most high at times, but i don't hold it against jesus or the church at all. i thought that i wouldn't have to deal with the seminary simmer.
but as i reflect on what i'm learning...i find myself getting a little annoyed.
it bothers me that people don't even consider theology as important anymore, that in the same breath we can look at an earthquake as god's judgment of evil but still say that god wants to save them? kinda hard to get them if the ground is swallowing them up!
it bothers me that "seminary trained" pastors will not agree with the doctrine of tithing, but preach it anyway because the lights have to stay on!
it bothers me that folks think they can teach about the end times but haven't read past chapter one of revelation! or all you've read is the left behind series!
it bothers me that we put so much effort into talking about how men need not be sissies or "act gay," but the men's ministries are powerless and unappealing!
it REALLY bothers me that we see our lack of results as a good thing...a godly thing even. as if god is glorified by our inability to transform our neighborhoods.
i guess i have the seminary simmer after all.
the thing is, i don't pretend to know all the solutions. i'm not just shooting off at the mouth and pointing fingers because i can. that'll get us no where. but i guess that i'm happy i have the seminary simmer after all. it's showing me where my heart is.
i'm praying that i can be a agent for change. that will make the simmer worth something.
angry at the church. angry at their father that was always at the church house but never at home. angry because they've suffered "church hurts" from people in the pews. angry because they learned something in school that they never heard and church, and now they feel lied to.
these are all legitimate reasons. but i thought that i was exempt from the seminary simmer. i didn't grow up in church, so i didn't have tons of indoctrination to overcome. i didn't have the preacher's kid syndrome. i have been treated badly by the saints of the most high at times, but i don't hold it against jesus or the church at all. i thought that i wouldn't have to deal with the seminary simmer.
but as i reflect on what i'm learning...i find myself getting a little annoyed.
it bothers me that people don't even consider theology as important anymore, that in the same breath we can look at an earthquake as god's judgment of evil but still say that god wants to save them? kinda hard to get them if the ground is swallowing them up!
it bothers me that "seminary trained" pastors will not agree with the doctrine of tithing, but preach it anyway because the lights have to stay on!
it bothers me that folks think they can teach about the end times but haven't read past chapter one of revelation! or all you've read is the left behind series!
it bothers me that we put so much effort into talking about how men need not be sissies or "act gay," but the men's ministries are powerless and unappealing!
it REALLY bothers me that we see our lack of results as a good thing...a godly thing even. as if god is glorified by our inability to transform our neighborhoods.
i guess i have the seminary simmer after all.
the thing is, i don't pretend to know all the solutions. i'm not just shooting off at the mouth and pointing fingers because i can. that'll get us no where. but i guess that i'm happy i have the seminary simmer after all. it's showing me where my heart is.
i'm praying that i can be a agent for change. that will make the simmer worth something.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
So God...Here's My Marriage Prayer
dear god,
so...one day i would like to meet someone, fall in love, and get married. i want the house, the kids, the works. i really, really do.
however, and you know this, i'm not in a super rush. i mean, i don't want it to take forever, but it's not at the top of my prayer list. you know what i mean?
i'm really enjoying being by myself. i like my life. i'm discovering more about myself each and every day. i'm learning about my purpose and what i really want to do with my life. as much as i want to get married...i don't want to stop the process of realizing just how wonderfully made i am. i guess you're restoring the years in that area of my life, and i'm grateful for that.
sometimes the way other christians talk about marriage confuses me. sometimes it sounds like my reward for reaching a certain level of spirituality is a mate. that doesn't seem right to me. how can the reward for my success be another person?
on the other hand, the way some women talk is confusing as well. they talk as if jesus is their boyfriend. c'mon jesus...how can i compete against that? i think i've learned that some people use spirituality to cover up the relational hurts. it's easier to have a relationship with someone you can't see or touch than with someone that's right in front of you.
either way lord, you know my heart. i want to meet someone. i want to get married. but if i have to sacrifice Me...the Me that's been buried under so much hurt, pain, and fear...the Me that's just starting to see the light of day...then i don't think i want it after all.
so...one day i would like to meet someone, fall in love, and get married. i want the house, the kids, the works. i really, really do.
however, and you know this, i'm not in a super rush. i mean, i don't want it to take forever, but it's not at the top of my prayer list. you know what i mean?
i'm really enjoying being by myself. i like my life. i'm discovering more about myself each and every day. i'm learning about my purpose and what i really want to do with my life. as much as i want to get married...i don't want to stop the process of realizing just how wonderfully made i am. i guess you're restoring the years in that area of my life, and i'm grateful for that.
sometimes the way other christians talk about marriage confuses me. sometimes it sounds like my reward for reaching a certain level of spirituality is a mate. that doesn't seem right to me. how can the reward for my success be another person?
on the other hand, the way some women talk is confusing as well. they talk as if jesus is their boyfriend. c'mon jesus...how can i compete against that? i think i've learned that some people use spirituality to cover up the relational hurts. it's easier to have a relationship with someone you can't see or touch than with someone that's right in front of you.
either way lord, you know my heart. i want to meet someone. i want to get married. but if i have to sacrifice Me...the Me that's been buried under so much hurt, pain, and fear...the Me that's just starting to see the light of day...then i don't think i want it after all.
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