the beginnings of faith

one thing that i've realized about seminary is that it doesn't really make you into something. it brings out more of what your authentic experience is.  i've had professors that i've totally disagreed with, but thus far all have enriched me.  i appreciate that. 

in terms of my own experience, i believe that it's been totally brought to the forefront because of my seminary experience.  i didn't grow up in church.  the lesson that i remember learning about god was from my nanna.  she taught me that god was my father and that made me a prince.  god loved me, and if i prayed he would listen.  i carried that with me for all these years.

i honestly never believed in anything but jesus.  i didn't even understand all of what "salvation" meant, but i just knew that jesus was the right one.  i don't know why.  my nanna never had any extensive discussions about jesus with me, so i really wasn't preconditioned to stick to jesus.  he (jesus) really wasn't in my mind at all when i prayed. 

i can trace my first sincere experience with jesus back to is a day in the basement. i believe i was in tenth grade. it was easter time.  jesus of nazereth was playing, and i watched the last part of it.  watching the death scene got to me, not that it was graphic (it wasn't) but somehow i was just moved by what jesus did.  for me? i thought.  tears streamed down my face.  that was probably the beginning.

still, i didn't understand what "salvation" was.  the only inking i had for years was again from my nanna.  she bought me a king james bible when i was about 12.  she wrote in it with big letters "THIS IS THE ONLY BOOK THAT CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE IF YOU DO WHAT GOD SAYS."  i knew that one day i would read this book more than any other.  but in terms of "salvation" it didn't cross my mind.

my nanna only discussed church with me.  "some to church, dell.  you can meet some of the young men there." i didn't want to.  she went to church on saturday, and i wasn't going to give up my cartoons.  that, and something on the inside just made me feel like god didn't care about one day in particular.  besides, i remembered the conversations that she had about people in church...they all seemed crazy! why would i want to go there? i'd have to dress up and sit there for four hours.  god and i would have to find another way to meet.  church wasn't an option at this point, and i'm glad.  if i was forced to go, then i probably wouldn't be where i am right now.

so, for a few more years, god was the understand that i had.  church was a waste of time at best. oh, and jesus had something to do with all of it.  when college rolled around, then it was time to understand even more.

Productive

Today was such a busy day.  Productive, but busy.  Even though I'm "only" a full time grad student, I'm still suprised how action packed my days can get.  This was probably the worst day for it to be action packed, mind you.  I had a fever yesterday that prompted me to stay home.  I woke up today feeling a lot better, but I decided to stay home again just to make sure. 

I actually started making my list again.  That really helped me be productive.  If I have a list I can focus on what needs to happen instead of just drawing it out of my head.  I have a great memory when it comes to details, events, and information.  But random (see:non-interesting) information like times and dates can slip my mind if I'm not careful. I'm going to stick to the list thing. 

I can say that I accomplished all 12 things on my list today!  I probably did too much to be recovering from a cold, but life doesn't stop. In a weird way, that's a little bit of a victory for me.  I like to push myself and see what I can accomplish when I put my mind to it.

I hope that tomorrow is just as productive...

Some Thoughts and Tips on Seminary

it takes a special set of conditions to make it through seminary successfully.

it's not a cake walk.  it's not bible study.  it isn't bible college.  it's just like any other academic discipline, requiring you to become a scholar and prefect the practical aspects of your field. 

what's the problem with that, you ask? plenty.  this isn't engineering or chemistry we're talking about.  this is seminary, where you study the history, context, and application of the christian faith.  see, seminary is the one place where your mind is stretched with the thing your heart is set on: god.  all the curtains are pulled back.  it's beyond learning doctrine.  you learn where the doctrine came from, and with that knowledge you have the ability to do what so many christians don't:  think.

when i say that being a christian in seminary offers you a chance to think, i'm not suggesting that all other christians that don't have a masters of divinity are stupid.  you don't have to know the origins of the apostle's creed or the dueteronomistic canon to be a good christian.  you don't even have to know the bible to be a good christian (i know that may throw you off, but think about it:  they didn't have bibles for a long time. most folks couldn't even read!  yet it's their experiences in Christ that set the bar for us. hmmm.).  and quite honestly, knowledge without any type of action rooted in love puffs up (spiritual, academic, or otherwise). 

no, the type of thinking that i'm talking about is the power to make personal decisions about the faith you hold dear.  most times in church, even the best teachers teach doctrine.  that's not a bad thing.  however, if you merely teach someone doctrine they don't know where it came from.  doctrine is usually an agreed upon consensus of what we believe the bible conveys.  anyone can make up any type of theology...and pull it right from the bible.  honestly, the bible says a BUNCH of stuff.  it's not a textbook that was written to give specific skills.  because of that, interpretations can run rampant...and they can make sense.  it doesn't mean they are right, it just means that it's not as cut and dry as we would like to think.

this can cause folks to fall away.  but what i learned is this:  relationship is not taught at seminary.  now, after reading all that you may think that seminary is a bad place.  it's not! it's wonderful.  however, it is a place of learning, and not everyone will stop and have praise and worship during the class.  the objective nature of the information you learn can rock your subjective experience in christ.

but if you have a relationship...you'll be fine.  if you walk with holy spirit, the spirit of christ, you'll be guided to the truth.  and we got a good portion of it right.  through all the information that i'm learning, there are some things that remarkably ring true:

1. the main points are clear. in spite of all the unclear stuff, the basic stuff is very clear:  jesus is that dude and you should believe him, god loves us, grace and mercy are indispensable. as much as we argue about the other stuff, there is a lot of information that's in black and white that we fail to even acknowledge.
2. people tend to make convenient theology.  the bible says things that none of are comfortable with if we were honest about it.  however, a lot of times people blur the lines because they want to make their choice (i.e. sin) okay.  the way the bible is structured gives that leeway.  i wouldn't have made the bible like that, but i'm not god.  i trust he knows what he's doing.
3. people want to be on the winning side. we want to make theology and understand god in a way that empowers us.  this awesome, but it can get carried away. without meaning to, the ideas that we can learn can make god a blank canvas that we can paint our own picture of righteousness on.  or a heaven loom where we can weave whatever aspects of god that we like best into a garment to wear.  remember, god empowers us to glorify who he is in us...not to reshape him in our own image. 
4. no one wants to lose:  as much as we'd like to win, we equally hate the ideal of failing.  in class we are asked to use gender inclusive language.  that means we won't call god "he." we'll call jesus "he" because he was a physical man, but the holy spirit wont' be called "he."  honestly, it makes sense, but you don't see anyone having a problem with satan being called "he" do you?  people don't want to lose.